What does my title mean?

This blog is named "Expected In Heaven". I recently wondered if people understand what that means. Well this is what it means to me. 

I just finished looking back over the years of writing on care pages and this blog. I also completed a novel called, "Expected In Heaven - the story". It's available on Amazon or you can ask for it at a book store. 😊The path God has brought me down is one I never expected to walk. I think most of us have dreams of what our life should look like and then we set out to accomplish that. Now there is nothing wrong with this, I don't think it's wrong to make plans, but it's not always what happens. Almost 10 years have passed since my first sweet husband went home to heaven, September 28, 2012. His leukimia was deadly but God gave him many miracles along the way and we enjoyed his life for 10 months. I did not expect to be a widow that soon, nor did I expect to marry again. I happened to marry two more times, losing both to cancer, one 6 years ago and one 3 years ago. It has indeed been a journey. A very unexpected journey.

In the last decade I believe I have learned things about God I never knew or fully understood before this time in life. In a devotion I wrote recently for my church I said it could be compared to having a child. Before you give birth for the first time you can study a lot and be told much from other mothers but until you experience birth yourself you don't know how you will feel. So it is with death of a loved one, especially a spouse that you share all of life with in intimate ways. I watched so many people go through it and never understood the grief until it hit me. 

This was a part of life I had not planned or expected, let alone three times! I like a comment my pastor made at a recent memorial service. He said his answer to someone who asked what a pastor's job is was, "to prepare them for death." I liked that a lot! It says exactly what my title means to me and I hope to anyone who reads this blog.

We must prepare, expect, never stop asking God for help. I always knew this to be true but wondered if I would be able to believe this if a tragedy struck and if my faith would hold up to believe God could help. I was able to get my answers over the past decade. I discovered three things mainly:

1. I had to spend time with God alone. Seek Him in prayer and His Word the Bible. Ask questions that no one could answer but Him. Let tears flow so I could be free and not be afraid to feel the grief. I was often amazed with the answers and comfort I found. This was not a one and done thing, it had to be daily to be effective. Sometimes my heart was too broken to feel but my head knowledge was there and when I preserved with God my heart caught up with the head.

2. I needed to plan things for myself involving fun times with family or friends. I couldn't wait for people to think of me, I had to initiate what I thought I might enjoy. People don't know what you need unless you tell them and invite them to be part of your healing.

3. Participate in grief classes or counseling is helpful too as needed. There are often helpful things online or pastors can help guide you to the right source.

Life is important to live, for Jesus doesn't want us to dread life instead He wants us to live it to the full. John 10:10b "I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." The good news is that after we have lived, we can have the assurance that if we believe in Jesus, we can expect eternal life!! Are you expecting heaven? Until that day I encourage you to walk the path of life with me and lean on Jesus each day taking time in His Word the Bible and prayer. 💗

Whose Side Are We On - Finale Part 3

Here are some more of my Joshua thoughts on "whose side are we on".  I just realized I spelled whose wrong before by using who's which means who is!!  I knew that 😝- feeling a little foolish right now, but I did manage to change all (I hope) so now I'll continue....

Thankfully God loves imperfect people and directs them in His perfect ways.  When the Israelites were getting ready to cross over into their promised land God takes them to the shore of the Jordan river during flood season. ( Joshua 3:15)  Before this in Joshua chapter one God promises He will make Joshua great in the peoples eyes just as He had done for Moses.  I especially love the fact that God tells Joshua four times to be strong and courageous.  (Joshua 1:6,7,8,18) Also He told Joshua to never turn from God's law and  meditate on it day and night.  This was how Joshua would succeed.  

Next they come to the Jordan which is overflowing this time of year.  The priests carrying the ark of the covenant must step in the Jordan and trust that God will stop the water so they can cross.  (Joshua 3:13) As soon as the priests enter the water God makes it stop flowing and heaps the water up so the Israelites can cross.  

There is so much detail to this story that I encourage you to read it but one of the things I really like is the fact that after they cross the Jordan, they are between a flooding river and Jericho (the enemy).  Then God says, "Now Joshua, I want all the Israelite men to be circumcised, since in the desert it did not happen."  What!! The first time I read this I realized those men would be very weak for several days and very vulnerable to enemy attack.  These people are so obedient at this time that they do all that God commands through Joshua.  I love it!  After they are healed God says now I want you to celebrate Passover.  A feast to remember all God had done in taking them out of the slavery of Egypt and saving them from death.  It also pointed to a future Messiah that would bring salvation by His death.  

Next there is the part that says they eat the food from the land and I know they had flocks of sheep and cattle with them.  Passover celebration needed sheep to be slaughtered and roasted over an open fire.  At this point they no longer needed manna.  Joshua 5:12 tells us the manna stopped coming from heaven.  This generation had grown up only knowing manna.  Quite the sudden change for them and another thing to trust God with.  

They are finally ready - I think - for battle?  God gives them a strange command.  March around Jericho walls every day once with the priests carrying the ark and rams horns being blown.  Then on the seventh day they were to march around seven times and at the end blow the horns and shout!  Wow and just like that the walls fell! What is amazing to me is that the warriors of Jericho never threw spears or rocks or anything from their walls.  The Israelites had to be sitting ducks walking around the city!   I know Israel conquered Jericho because they did exactly what God said.  They had faith in God and trusted their leader Joshua was listening to God's commands.  Again I am convinced it wasn't about whose side they were on instead it was all about God and what He wanted them to do.  

Sometimes people have a hard time with God telling the Israelites to go and conquer people.   God does want all people to choose to follow Him and He gives everyone lots of time, even generations, before He allows people to be destroyed.  Then, as we saw with Rahab, it is never too late to follow God.  He wants us to all turn from evil and follow Him.

As we handle the enemy of Coronavirus, we must all trust God and ask for His salvation in Jesus who is the Lamb of God who takes away our sin.  He will make us strong and courageous and show us how to take down the walls of whatever Jericho each of us face today.💪

Whose Side Are We On - Part 2

 Today let's look at the other side.  How do the Canaanites feel with this strange group of nomads coming at them from the desert?  Here is where the story of Rahab comes in.  (Joshua 2)

Joshua sends in some spies to check out the land.  He had to be a little concerned about this since 40 years prior to this Moses sent him (Joshua) and 11 other spies and only he and Caleb came back saying God will go with us if He wants us to possess the land.  While the other 10 were scared out of their wits telling everyone, NO, we can't conquer them they have walled cities and they are giants compared to us, etc. etc.

Well, Joshua takes the risk and in go two spies checking out the city of Jericho.  It tells us in Joshua 2:1 he sent them in secretly.  Humm.. I wonder if that was because he didn't want all the Israelites to know and try to interrogate them when they returned.  (that's only a guess by me) ;)

Ok now where do the spies go?  I think they were trying to enter unnoticed and picked a prostitute's house to look like they were normal male visitors passing through.  My footnotes said it was most likely an Inn where the spies could get information that was run by Rahab.  I do think it is interesting that the spies are not named in the story except where they from, Shittim.  I read some notes on this and it seems to be a spot where Israel fell into the sin that Rahab later abandons.  

I just love everything about Rahab.  She doesn't seem to mess around.  She knew all the stories of how Israel's God had saved Israel from Egypt when parting the Red Sea as well as conquered the kings Sihon and Og of the Amorites.  She knew her own people were not afraid of the Israelites who were rather rag tag looking after wandering in the desert 40 years.  No, they were afraid of Israel's God!  

Time to make a deal with these guys from Israel, thought Rahab.  My life for yours.  It didn't seem to take the king of Jericho long to figure out Israel had spies in his land and that they were at Rahab's house.  You think God had a plan to save Rahab from the beginning?  She makes a deal and hides the spies.  They agree but they tell her the only way she and anyone in her family can be saved is if they remain in her house.  She must tie a scarlet cord in the window she helped the spies escape from.  The crazy part of this story to me is her house is part of the city wall.  (Joshua 2:15)  Yes, now how in the world does her house stay standing when the walls of Jericho come down?  Obviously with God's help and purpose.  

My favorite part of this story is the fact that after she was saved (Joshua 6:25) she was spared because she hid the spies.  This chapter tells us she stayed and lived among the Israelites.  She did not need to, as that wasn't part of the agreement to save her.  No, it was her choice to stay and worship Israel's God. How do I know this?  Well, check out Matthew 1:5, Rahab is listed in the genealogy of Jesus!  She not only stayed but followed God so beautifully that she was chosen to be able to marry in the godly line of King David and therefore Jesus Himself.  She would not be there had she not become a child of God.  

This shows me that God does not take sides but wants all to come to Him.  2 Peter 3:9 The Lord is not slow in keeping His promise, (of returning - His 2nd coming) as some understand slowness.  Instead He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.

God loves all people, but as Rahab, we have to choose who we will follow.  Whose side are we on?  In this day and age is it important to choose Jesus who wants to give us life so we can have it to the full? (John 10:10)

To be continued.....

Whose Side Are You On?

I was asked to do a devotion for my granddaughter's bridal shower this past weekend and I enjoyed thinking over what I should speak about.  The Word of God, to me, is filled with a myriad of ideas for married couples but I felt the Lord giving me the thought of "whose side are you on?".  This thought just wouldn't leave and the Bible story of Joshua kept coming to mind.

If you are familiar with the story of Joshua you know God made him leader of the Israelites after Moses'  time was up.  This is where the book of Joshua begins.  Joshua must lead the group of Israelites into the promised land - a  very large group of people who have wandered in the desert for 40 years.  They were totally dependent on God in the wilderness for food - manna came daily in the form of rain - water came from rocks or wherever God chose to give it.  Their clothes did not wear out.  Now here they are at the door of the land God promised.

There is so much to explore in the details of this story so I might just write a mini series.  Whether you want to read it or not is up to you.  I felt it helped me to ponder these thoughts myself because of the season we are all living through.  The pandemic, the political uncertainties and differences, the ideas of who is right about how we treat each other, the weather has been wild in many places as well.  As you know there is a lot going on and it is my habit to look to God's Word and see what way he wants me to face each day in the places he asks me to walk.  For those of you who wonder, I am doing well with God as my strength being a widow a third time.

Well back to Joshua, he has already done everything God told him to do when He said it is time to enter the promised land.  It involved some things I will write about in my next blog.  This time we will jump ahead a bit.  Joshua 5:13-15 speaks of an encounter Joshua has.  He was near Jericho and I am quite sure he was alone, probably praying and reassuring himself that God would be with him and wondered if he needed to know anything more.  Just then a man appears holding a drawn sword!  Joshua (I suspect little nervous) and asked, "Are you for us or for our enemies?" Or another way to put it "Whose side are you on?" A reasonable question I think and maybe all that came to his mind at the moment!  Ha!

The crazy answer he received was, "Neither, but as commander of the army of the Lord I have now come."  

The first time I noticed this I was like "SayWhat??"  I thought these were the Israelites - God's people. Wasn't God on their side?? But let's continue.....

That made Joshua do a face-plant on the ground and ask, "What message does my Lord have for his servant?"  Joshua doesn't seem to worry about the who's side thing.

His answer?  "Take off your sandals, for the place where you are standing is holy."  And Joshua did so.

I just want to take a minute with the who's side thing.  I think we often want people (and God) to favor us and be on our side.  God doesn't work the way we expect; ever.  Nope, he never takes sides, but he is always in control.  Today all He wants from us is our faith in Him and trusting Him with our lives and hearts.  He has a promised land for us, but it will never be gained our way, fighting over who is right, or who's side we are on.  

The Bible teaches us to serve as Jesus did.  Yes, He gave up everything that we may have life.  God always does what we least expect.  John 3:16 simply says, "For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life."  

In marriage, my granddaughter is soon going to be a wife, she will need to learn to serve and love her man as God loves her and not fight about who is right.  We all know that we can't give each other too much love and consideration.  The home life is filled with peace when there is love, God's love pouring from our hearts.  May we all give more love and complain less as we muddle through this difficult time.....

To be continued......

How Do I Live Now?

Here it is more than 9 months since I last posted on this blog!  It has been hard to think about doing it as life has been another  roller coaster for me and most of you as well.  The first thing I experienced in the month of October 2019 was the loss of my third husband, John DeLeeuw.  I have felt an incredible sadness which has had many hills and valleys.  It was extremely hard to lose someone so dear again.  God had blessed me with three great men to love and each time I went through losing them it was rough.  John succumbed to his stage 4 lung cancer after a year long battle.  We married in April of 2018 and we were so thrilled to enjoy marriage again after both of us lost spouses.  Now all I can say it was a wonderful year and a half because God blessed me with a great man.  I was able to share lots of joy in between the sorrow in that short time.  I shall never forget any of it.  Because I married three men now I have three incredible families, I can never complain that I don't have anyone to turn to.  Especially now in this season of Coronavirus!

What a time - RIGHT?!  I was just feeling like I was getting back to my new normal - no husband, becoming a widow once again and trying to deal with grief. Then boom in comes a pandemic!  I first felt like I was in a fog and not sure where I was going.  Slowly though I felt God's hand on me saying,  "you will be fine.  Just look up and rest on Me, I will take you through."

I have to confess one night I tried to take the whole world on my shoulders and felt like I had to do something to help everyone see the truth about the virus.  LOL!  Truth was I didn't even begin to understand the truth about it!  But sometimes in the middle of the night one can feel the need to fix the trouble that's out there.  OR am I the only one that does silly things of such nature in the middle of the night?  Anyway now I feel more solid and I feel like I know two things: God says - Love one another.  That is His main command.  I realize that to love includes accept people no matter if they agree or not with my thoughts and respect everyone when out in public.  The face mask doesn't hurt me to wear and trying to keep distance isn't hard either - depending how full the area I'm in - but most of the time it works fine.  Washing hands, well that is common sense.

That said, I am doing okay even though I don't love death and dying I know it is part of life.  My husband John and I cherished the words of a few songs that helped us when we were discouraged by life. One was a Christian contemporary song called  "Eye of the Storm" by Ryan Stevenson.  Go to YouTube and listen.  Such great words!  And another one was the old favorite "The Rose" which was song sung at our wedding.  The Rose has a line that says "The soul afraid of dying never learns to live."  When we married we were older, and life is a risk.  We, of course, hoped we would have several more good years together as we were both rather healthy.  But we knew in life there are no guarantees. We still wanted to enjoy life and take the risk.

My final word to all who read this is to put your hope in a sure guarantee - Jesus Christ!  John 3:16-17  For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send His Son (Jesus) into the world to condemn the world but to save the world through Him.

Now that is LOVE!  Do you believe?  Are you expected in Heaven?  Take the risk that has a sure outcome!

A Sinking Ship

Wow, I have no good excuse, really, for waiting so long to blog!  I know there are some out there in cyber space who enjoy keeping up with John and my life and our journey through cancer.  It has been since last November/December that updates to this blog happened.  Life is such a journey of uncertainty for anyone as our pastor told us a few weeks ago:  "From the day we are born we are like ships with an irreparable hole in it.  We begin sinking even though some days may seem sunny and beautiful without a care in the world - still we are all sinking.  Death is the hole and no one can run from it."  This sounds so depressing but my husband John and I left with very light hearts and filled with assurance the day we heard this sermon.

First our pastor took us through the thought of how "WEIRD" we are compared to the third world countries.  America and Europe are western, educated, industrialized, rich and democratic for the most part.  We have more than we know what to do with, and yet we are often never satisfied and want more.  One statistic, our pastor found, that I thought was humorous and yet not, was that there are five times more storage units than Starbucks, and shopping malls outnumber high schools!!!! Yikes, both these facts are sad.  Yet we all can be guilty of wanting more, whether wanting more stuff, or food, or trips, or entertainment.

The pastor used Ecclesiastes 2 to show how the writer, who is Solomon or someone like him, shows how even when you get all your heart desires, still life is meaningless.  The writer realizes nothing can bring true happiness in this life.  So what is there then?

John and I have come to that place of asking - what is really important and how are we going to live with what we have been given?  John has had a very up and down year dealing with cancer - lung cancer, stage 4.  He has responded to most of the treatment given quite well, in spite of the fact many days are downright awful.  We were able to do many things these past months, even travel for entertainment and to visit family.  We were also able to take a family trip with kids and grandkids, such a blessing.  John now continues on a chemo pill that has less side effects than the first one.  He has survived a bout with pneumonia and right now dealing with an extra infection in his body.  We live day by day thanking God for each new day.  We try to stay as active as John's body allows him to be.  He has been able to bike ride with me many times the past few months, some days he can go 10 miles and other days just 3.  We are thankful for any kind of exercise or movement he is up to.  Some days it's a couch day.  The thing we enjoy the most is how we can be used by God to bring blessings to others.  Whether it is with a visit or doing a bible study with others or just being kind and loving to family and friends.  Some days we are strong and sure and other days we are very sad and worry and cry together.  We know we have to hold on to our faith and assurance in Jesus to make it through.

Our pastor ended with what our hope is in our sinking ships.  (John and I have experienced sinking ships with losing our spouses in death and now again dealing with an incurable disease!)  We walked out of that sermon with glad hearts because of what Colossians 3:1-4 says:  "Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God.  Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.  For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God.  When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory."

The promise is we are rich in Christ and because of this we can live life to the full - no matter that we are in sinking ships!  We have so much hope since we are expected in heaven!!  We hope you do too!  Thanks to all who pray for us as we travel this journey - we believe in prayer, it gives us the strength to remember what is really important in life!  Not the stuff, but the relationship with God and with others!

After Thanksgiving

Reading my last post I see we were not past the testing stage of John's cancer type.  Well since then John spent 3 days in the hospital to get a good lung biopsy done so he could proceed to treatment.  We did find out he has stage 4 lung and bone cancer.  When it is in the bone it automatically becomes stage 4.  It is not small cell lung cancer either, which we were hoping for.  This seems like rather depressing news but at the same time there are some great new treatments out there that give a lot of hope.  He has had one treatment of two powerful chemotherapy products and one immunotherapy.  We are pleased with his follow up testing results and have heard that this treatment can put his cancer into remission and in some cases cure it, even the bone part of it!

There are always side effects when taking a bunch of medicines, chemo, etc. into our bodies.  John has had his share of pain from the bone cancer and therefore takes powerful pain meds.  They help, yet again, lots of side effects.  John hangs in there with great strength.  We both have had our moments of frustration.  I confess mine can consist mostly of self-pity which I don't like at all.  It caused a melt-down one day I'm rather ashamed of and so now I'm trying to rest more on God instead of my own weak strength.  Thank you all so very much for prayer.  I believe in the power of prayer more then anything!  Medicine is a wonderful answer to our prayers, but the creator is the one who has made our bodies. He is the one who has to direct our doctors and nurses to bring about the perfect outcome.

Since John's first treatment we attended a huge family gathering (my family and John's) for Thanksgiving and enjoyed having his girls with their families in town.  They came from Sacramento and Atlanta, Georgia.  The day was the worst day for John as far as strength went, but he was so glad to be able to be a part of the day.  A cosy couch in the middle of everything helped!

We look forward to Christmas which we are now trying to prepare for.  We do as much each day as is possible and not worry about the rest.  The main thing we try to do is enjoy what God gives for the day and praise Him for the ability to do what we can to have a normal life in the midst of deciding what food tastes the best as well as good for you, handling pain, medicine, treatments, doctor visits, CT and MIR scans, and blood tests!

There is always suffering in life.  One problem gets better and another can soon follow.  Not to sound pessimistic, it is just a fact.  If we don't have hope in God there is very little that can bring real peace or happiness.  So whoever reads this I would encourage you to put your hope in God so that suffering can be handled.  John and I are reading a great devotional booklet this month that happens to be on suffering. The other day the key verse was:
 Isaiah 55:8 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord.
Also a thought was shared from George MacDonald:  "Trust God to weave your little thread into the great web, though the pattern shows it not yet."

I like both these thoughts and most of all knowing with certainty this Christmas season Christ was born so we could saved from sin and be Expected in Heaven one day!