Whose Side Are You On?

I was asked to do a devotion for my granddaughter's bridal shower this past weekend and I enjoyed thinking over what I should speak about.  The Word of God, to me, is filled with a myriad of ideas for married couples but I felt the Lord giving me the thought of "whose side are you on?".  This thought just wouldn't leave and the Bible story of Joshua kept coming to mind.

If you are familiar with the story of Joshua you know God made him leader of the Israelites after Moses'  time was up.  This is where the book of Joshua begins.  Joshua must lead the group of Israelites into the promised land - a  very large group of people who have wandered in the desert for 40 years.  They were totally dependent on God in the wilderness for food - manna came daily in the form of rain - water came from rocks or wherever God chose to give it.  Their clothes did not wear out.  Now here they are at the door of the land God promised.

There is so much to explore in the details of this story so I might just write a mini series.  Whether you want to read it or not is up to you.  I felt it helped me to ponder these thoughts myself because of the season we are all living through.  The pandemic, the political uncertainties and differences, the ideas of who is right about how we treat each other, the weather has been wild in many places as well.  As you know there is a lot going on and it is my habit to look to God's Word and see what way he wants me to face each day in the places he asks me to walk.  For those of you who wonder, I am doing well with God as my strength being a widow a third time.

Well back to Joshua, he has already done everything God told him to do when He said it is time to enter the promised land.  It involved some things I will write about in my next blog.  This time we will jump ahead a bit.  Joshua 5:13-15 speaks of an encounter Joshua has.  He was near Jericho and I am quite sure he was alone, probably praying and reassuring himself that God would be with him and wondered if he needed to know anything more.  Just then a man appears holding a drawn sword!  Joshua (I suspect little nervous) and asked, "Are you for us or for our enemies?" Or another way to put it "Whose side are you on?" A reasonable question I think and maybe all that came to his mind at the moment!  Ha!

The crazy answer he received was, "Neither, but as commander of the army of the Lord I have now come."  

The first time I noticed this I was like "SayWhat??"  I thought these were the Israelites - God's people. Wasn't God on their side?? But let's continue.....

That made Joshua do a face-plant on the ground and ask, "What message does my Lord have for his servant?"  Joshua doesn't seem to worry about the who's side thing.

His answer?  "Take off your sandals, for the place where you are standing is holy."  And Joshua did so.

I just want to take a minute with the who's side thing.  I think we often want people (and God) to favor us and be on our side.  God doesn't work the way we expect; ever.  Nope, he never takes sides, but he is always in control.  Today all He wants from us is our faith in Him and trusting Him with our lives and hearts.  He has a promised land for us, but it will never be gained our way, fighting over who is right, or who's side we are on.  

The Bible teaches us to serve as Jesus did.  Yes, He gave up everything that we may have life.  God always does what we least expect.  John 3:16 simply says, "For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life."  

In marriage, my granddaughter is soon going to be a wife, she will need to learn to serve and love her man as God loves her and not fight about who is right.  We all know that we can't give each other too much love and consideration.  The home life is filled with peace when there is love, God's love pouring from our hearts.  May we all give more love and complain less as we muddle through this difficult time.....

To be continued......

How Do I Live Now?

Here it is more than 9 months since I last posted on this blog!  It has been hard to think about doing it as life has been another  roller coaster for me and most of you as well.  The first thing I experienced in the month of October 2019 was the loss of my third husband, John DeLeeuw.  I have felt an incredible sadness which has had many hills and valleys.  It was extremely hard to lose someone so dear again.  God had blessed me with three great men to love and each time I went through losing them it was rough.  John succumbed to his stage 4 lung cancer after a year long battle.  We married in April of 2018 and we were so thrilled to enjoy marriage again after both of us lost spouses.  Now all I can say it was a wonderful year and a half because God blessed me with a great man.  I was able to share lots of joy in between the sorrow in that short time.  I shall never forget any of it.  Because I married three men now I have three incredible families, I can never complain that I don't have anyone to turn to.  Especially now in this season of Coronavirus!

What a time - RIGHT?!  I was just feeling like I was getting back to my new normal - no husband, becoming a widow once again and trying to deal with grief. Then boom in comes a pandemic!  I first felt like I was in a fog and not sure where I was going.  Slowly though I felt God's hand on me saying,  "you will be fine.  Just look up and rest on Me, I will take you through."

I have to confess one night I tried to take the whole world on my shoulders and felt like I had to do something to help everyone see the truth about the virus.  LOL!  Truth was I didn't even begin to understand the truth about it!  But sometimes in the middle of the night one can feel the need to fix the trouble that's out there.  OR am I the only one that does silly things of such nature in the middle of the night?  Anyway now I feel more solid and I feel like I know two things: God says - Love one another.  That is His main command.  I realize that to love includes accept people no matter if they agree or not with my thoughts and respect everyone when out in public.  The face mask doesn't hurt me to wear and trying to keep distance isn't hard either - depending how full the area I'm in - but most of the time it works fine.  Washing hands, well that is common sense.

That said, I am doing okay even though I don't love death and dying I know it is part of life.  My husband John and I cherished the words of a few songs that helped us when we were discouraged by life. One was a Christian contemporary song called  "Eye of the Storm" by Ryan Stevenson.  Go to YouTube and listen.  Such great words!  And another one was the old favorite "The Rose" which was song sung at our wedding.  The Rose has a line that says "The soul afraid of dying never learns to live."  When we married we were older, and life is a risk.  We, of course, hoped we would have several more good years together as we were both rather healthy.  But we knew in life there are no guarantees. We still wanted to enjoy life and take the risk.

My final word to all who read this is to put your hope in a sure guarantee - Jesus Christ!  John 3:16-17  For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send His Son (Jesus) into the world to condemn the world but to save the world through Him.

Now that is LOVE!  Do you believe?  Are you expected in Heaven?  Take the risk that has a sure outcome!

A Sinking Ship

Wow, I have no good excuse, really, for waiting so long to blog!  I know there are some out there in cyber space who enjoy keeping up with John and my life and our journey through cancer.  It has been since last November/December that updates to this blog happened.  Life is such a journey of uncertainty for anyone as our pastor told us a few weeks ago:  "From the day we are born we are like ships with an irreparable hole in it.  We begin sinking even though some days may seem sunny and beautiful without a care in the world - still we are all sinking.  Death is the hole and no one can run from it."  This sounds so depressing but my husband John and I left with very light hearts and filled with assurance the day we heard this sermon.

First our pastor took us through the thought of how "WEIRD" we are compared to the third world countries.  America and Europe are western, educated, industrialized, rich and democratic for the most part.  We have more than we know what to do with, and yet we are often never satisfied and want more.  One statistic, our pastor found, that I thought was humorous and yet not, was that there are five times more storage units than Starbucks, and shopping malls outnumber high schools!!!! Yikes, both these facts are sad.  Yet we all can be guilty of wanting more, whether wanting more stuff, or food, or trips, or entertainment.

The pastor used Ecclesiastes 2 to show how the writer, who is Solomon or someone like him, shows how even when you get all your heart desires, still life is meaningless.  The writer realizes nothing can bring true happiness in this life.  So what is there then?

John and I have come to that place of asking - what is really important and how are we going to live with what we have been given?  John has had a very up and down year dealing with cancer - lung cancer, stage 4.  He has responded to most of the treatment given quite well, in spite of the fact many days are downright awful.  We were able to do many things these past months, even travel for entertainment and to visit family.  We were also able to take a family trip with kids and grandkids, such a blessing.  John now continues on a chemo pill that has less side effects than the first one.  He has survived a bout with pneumonia and right now dealing with an extra infection in his body.  We live day by day thanking God for each new day.  We try to stay as active as John's body allows him to be.  He has been able to bike ride with me many times the past few months, some days he can go 10 miles and other days just 3.  We are thankful for any kind of exercise or movement he is up to.  Some days it's a couch day.  The thing we enjoy the most is how we can be used by God to bring blessings to others.  Whether it is with a visit or doing a bible study with others or just being kind and loving to family and friends.  Some days we are strong and sure and other days we are very sad and worry and cry together.  We know we have to hold on to our faith and assurance in Jesus to make it through.

Our pastor ended with what our hope is in our sinking ships.  (John and I have experienced sinking ships with losing our spouses in death and now again dealing with an incurable disease!)  We walked out of that sermon with glad hearts because of what Colossians 3:1-4 says:  "Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God.  Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.  For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God.  When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory."

The promise is we are rich in Christ and because of this we can live life to the full - no matter that we are in sinking ships!  We have so much hope since we are expected in heaven!!  We hope you do too!  Thanks to all who pray for us as we travel this journey - we believe in prayer, it gives us the strength to remember what is really important in life!  Not the stuff, but the relationship with God and with others!

After Thanksgiving

Reading my last post I see we were not past the testing stage of John's cancer type.  Well since then John spent 3 days in the hospital to get a good lung biopsy done so he could proceed to treatment.  We did find out he has stage 4 lung and bone cancer.  When it is in the bone it automatically becomes stage 4.  It is not small cell lung cancer either, which we were hoping for.  This seems like rather depressing news but at the same time there are some great new treatments out there that give a lot of hope.  He has had one treatment of two powerful chemotherapy products and one immunotherapy.  We are pleased with his follow up testing results and have heard that this treatment can put his cancer into remission and in some cases cure it, even the bone part of it!

There are always side effects when taking a bunch of medicines, chemo, etc. into our bodies.  John has had his share of pain from the bone cancer and therefore takes powerful pain meds.  They help, yet again, lots of side effects.  John hangs in there with great strength.  We both have had our moments of frustration.  I confess mine can consist mostly of self-pity which I don't like at all.  It caused a melt-down one day I'm rather ashamed of and so now I'm trying to rest more on God instead of my own weak strength.  Thank you all so very much for prayer.  I believe in the power of prayer more then anything!  Medicine is a wonderful answer to our prayers, but the creator is the one who has made our bodies. He is the one who has to direct our doctors and nurses to bring about the perfect outcome.

Since John's first treatment we attended a huge family gathering (my family and John's) for Thanksgiving and enjoyed having his girls with their families in town.  They came from Sacramento and Atlanta, Georgia.  The day was the worst day for John as far as strength went, but he was so glad to be able to be a part of the day.  A cosy couch in the middle of everything helped!

We look forward to Christmas which we are now trying to prepare for.  We do as much each day as is possible and not worry about the rest.  The main thing we try to do is enjoy what God gives for the day and praise Him for the ability to do what we can to have a normal life in the midst of deciding what food tastes the best as well as good for you, handling pain, medicine, treatments, doctor visits, CT and MIR scans, and blood tests!

There is always suffering in life.  One problem gets better and another can soon follow.  Not to sound pessimistic, it is just a fact.  If we don't have hope in God there is very little that can bring real peace or happiness.  So whoever reads this I would encourage you to put your hope in God so that suffering can be handled.  John and I are reading a great devotional booklet this month that happens to be on suffering. The other day the key verse was:
 Isaiah 55:8 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord.
Also a thought was shared from George MacDonald:  "Trust God to weave your little thread into the great web, though the pattern shows it not yet."

I like both these thoughts and most of all knowing with certainty this Christmas season Christ was born so we could saved from sin and be Expected in Heaven one day!

Refining Fire

There is a praise song that has the words:
"Purify my heart
Let me be as gold and precious silver
Refiner's fire
My heart's one desire
Is to be holy
Set apart for You, Lord"
by - Brian Doerksen, 2008
This song was a favorite of mine but I never really knew the full meaning of the words.  God has been teaching me in the last 7 years in ways I would not have imagined.

Many of you are wondering how John and I are doing after just 7 short months of marriage and finding out John has lung and bone cancer.  Well very, very sad first of all and totally incapable of walking this journey alone without God holding us up.  Thank you so very much to the many who have said you are praying for us!  We need it!!  God has answered in the way that each day He gives us hope and holds our hands and helps us move forward.

John has taken all the needed tests, but the bone marrow test taken in the doctor's office wasn't good enough, so they want another one to give the final prognosis for treatment.  So now we wait once again for the hospital to schedule him with the radiology department.  We were told this could take another week to week and half.  Yes, this woman is continuing to try to speed this process any way I can.  All his other tests have been sent to the hospital so please pray that they will do the test this week!  It's my understanding that once the test is taken they still have to wait a day or so for it to process in the lab.

We are very hopeful that there is treatment for his cancer that can make it go into remission or give him some more days with me.  There is always hope as well for a miracle!  We never doubt what God can do.  We also have said not my will but Yours be done.

"These have come so that your faith - of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire - may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed." I Peter 1:7

Surprises and Learning to Live

How tough is it for a widow or widower to live life with trust that everything is going to be okay no matter what comes their way?  Maybe the phrase "living until we die" is an appropriate statement to make once you become a widow after a long and happy marriage.  Life is always uncertain and nothing is guaranteed so how to live is always the question for everyone, really.

I read a devotion by a woman, Karen Bables,  who has cancer and knows it will end in her death eventually.  I loved her thoughts on how to choose to die before we die which to her meant letting go.  We learn to give up control - first of situations and events, then of people, then of our own life, and finally of our death. Recognizing that we have no control over death is the hardest to accept.  We don't need to be frightened of death. The more we deny it, the less value our life has.  When we continually die to death, we also live until we die.  I personally really like that last thought.

So that brings me to the fact and maybe reason I was willing to be open to the idea of a third marriage after losing my second husband a year and a half ago to cancer.  The thought is rather frightening at times to think I could have to face the death of a husband again as there is no promise that says I will die first!  In the end I realized I wanted to choose to live till I die and live in confidence that God has my life in His hands and all those I love.  He knows what I need and when I need it so I have to trust that the right things will happen at the right times.

With that all said I've been given another sweet man (a widower as well) to date over the past few months and we have set a wedding date for April 7, 2018 Lord willing!  We have known each other over 20 years in this community and happened to attend the same school when we were young although we didn't exactly know each other then.  Smile.  It's another story.  His name is John DeLeeuw and was our Christian school superintendent for over 20 years and recently retired.  There you have it the surprising news of my life!  A new adventure and season to see what God will do in both of our lives.

I hope God gives all of you, who take time to read this blog, the confidence to live life to the full with Jesus as your example and not be tricked into thinking the Bible is a fairytale.

John 10:10 "The thief (the devil) comes to steal, and kill, and destroy, but I (Jesus) have come that you may have life, and have it to the full."  Read the whole book of John in the Bible and learn the truth that can set you free to live life no matter what trial or joy you face!  Then you will know you are "Expected in Heaven" when death takes you from this life!

Another Year - What good are Birthdays?

How do you feel about getting older?  In my family we have 11 September birthdays (which includes my own) and even more in the extended family.  It made me think about how do I like birthdays?  Well I concluded I love them as I make it a habit (and have for years) to celebrate everyones life in some way on their birthday.  To have life is so special, Jesus said, "I have come that they may have life and have it to the full!"  Do you realize that our God is a very big party celebrator?  He commanded his people the Israelites to plan three very important holidays that they spent at least 7 days worshipping, eating, drinking, dancing and hanging out together in tents or in each others homes or at the temple or in local synagogues.  Anyway I personally think that is so very cool and fun!  Some people think heaven will be boring, but that is because they don't know what kind of God we worship in the Bible.  Even in this world that has all of it's problems God gives us so much life!  I know I long for heaven in one respect but I also look forward to all the joy God has for me in this life until he calls me Home.  Therefore I have no death wish, so don't feel guilty if you want to live awhile - that is a God given gift and we must enjoy life expecting good things, only God can give.

With all that pondering about life I realized I am expected to be content with the places God has called me to live.  Getting older teaches me through many experiences (good or bad) that I need to be content and then I am so much happier!  I love to worry about what could or couldn't happen and that just takes the joy out of life.  This last while as I come into the 5th year of the loss of Tom and the 1st year loss of John, I know I can't foresee what will happen in my future.  Sometimes I worry that to be alone the rest of my life will be so lonely and then on the other side I worry getting married again could bring so many problems!!  Things always happen that I don't expect or I say I will never do!  Ridiculous!  It is time I be content in whatever place God thinks I should be! This is my earnest prayer, if you are praying for me that is the best thing to pray for - contentment in whatever place or situation God wants me to be in and serve Him.

Our pastor has been teaching on what it takes to be a disciple of Christ.  The first week he taught us to look for Jesus in all of life and expect to see Him.  When we are in tune with Him and listening and seeing we notice when water changes to wine or when there is a resurrection (great things I don't want to miss).  The second week we learned as a disciple we need to know and understand love.  Love frees us from slavery of sin but we don't have to rush to grow up in the Lord as any kind of growing takes time.  Finally today he taught us to love the church and realize we are all a part of the body (the church) and need one another.  One person is like a hand another an ear or an eye, etc.  The church family is such a blessing, we don't want to go through our Christian walk without that precious family.  I know first hand how great it is to be surrounded by God's people who care and walk with you through sorrow!  For me it is a bit of heaven on earth.  I'm excited to be an expectant believer!  How about you?