Yesterday after arriving home from a very wonderful time with my sister's family I had a meltdown. I knew I was due for one since I hardly needed to cry on my trip. I did realize it was due mostly to the fact that I came home to an empty house and it accentuates the fact that your sweet husband is no longer there. No one to help bring in the luggage, no one to talk to about the pleasure of the trip and no one to discuss the plans for the coming week. John always said when we came home from any trip that the first night home we had to eat out. He did not want me to trouble myself with cooking. I always loved that idea so I knew I needed to carry on his tradition and honor him by eating out! Thankfully my sweet Cristina went with me and spent the night as well. This really helped lighten the sadness of the first night home.
This morning as I was doing devotions I also read my booklet on "Experiencing Grief" and read about how the first year after a loved one is gone is full of "first's". I knew this to be true and what I realized was that this was the first trip I took since John's death. It was not surprising it was rough to come home.
At the same time I don't want to sound like I don't have some amazingly good things going on often. This trip I took was so very good for me and was filled with a ton of joy. First my granddaughter who was going to go with me got sick so a neighbor of mine stepped in to come along so I wouldn't have to drive to Oregon from California by myself! My new neighborhood is wonderful and full of great ladies! We had a great time together as girls do, never running out of words. It makes road trips fly by. The travel went so smoothly and my neighbor and I had a great time with my sister, her husband, kids, grandkids and great grandkids for 3 full days. My favorite day was a wonderful hike and then a white water river rafting trip. A lot of white water and I didn't fall out!! It is always good to be with family that you don't always get to see to catch up on their lives. The time flew by and I didn't feel much of my sadness as I never had time to feel lonely! It was very good for my soul and very refreshing.
Now that I'm home again I have plenty to do so it's not like I feel the grief all the time but I know it is good to let it come out from time to time as otherwise it can take you down when you least expect. Tears are refreshing even if annoying.......
I wait and long for the day...
"He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." Revelation 21:4
awesome post. Thanks
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