Certainty in the Storm

Many of you have heard that John is continuing to decline which brings tears to my eyes several times a day but yet God also reminds me and John of the strength and comfort He gives us.  It shows up in all sorts of ways - in our devotions, our kids coming to help or just bring us love and concern, our new neighborhood that never stops saying "ask anything we will be there", the many cards that continue to come, pastors who check in on us and finally and most importantly all who constantly pray for us!

I, Vera, could not find time to write on Sunday as the week was busy as John grows weaker.  He can no longer stand and needs teamwork to move him from our bedroom to the family room for scenery change (we do have a wheelchair).  Last week I noticed we were sleeping quite well but since then sleep is harder as John wakes and can't help himself.  I feel like a new mom having to get up for feedings (although we don't eat we may get a drink of water or help to go to the bathroom (in his bed).  Once you get that awake it is a bit of a struggle to get back to sleep for me.  I know I should take more naps but naps are not my favorite thing!  We have been able to manage John's pain a lot better for which we are very thankful! Although this is a difficult time and takes plenty of patience and perseverance I don't want it to pass quickly.  I know I need to savor it and love on my husband so later there are no regrets.  This time can surprise us how swiftly it can be gone!  I'm not angry at God for making me go through it again so soon because I went into a second marriage knowing anything is possible.  John and I are not exactly young and besides there is no certainty no matter what your age.  Instead I am extremely thankful for all John has meant to me and how he gave me amazing comfort in my loss of Tom, his brother.

I read a devotion the other day that really helped me (God does this as I turn to Him daily).  The truth is when trouble comes we naturally draw closer to God because it is the only thing that gives real peace.  One day for instance I picked up one of my devotional readings and one was entitled "Shelter from the Storm".  This woman used Psalm 46 and applied it to how it feels to be overwhelmed with loss in your life.  (Right now I have lost a very healthy energetic husband who took long walks with me and loved staying up late so we could sit and have time to talk and share on our couch besides numerous other fun things couples enjoy doing together! (Instead now he can hardly move or stay awake very long to talk.)  She recounted a story of loss of a loved one -"It felt like the earth was giving way" or their "world came crashing down".  She then compared it to the psalmist saying the mountains are being swallowed up in the sea.  Indeed loss in life can be compared to feeling as thought the very landscape of our lives has changed and the earth under us is not firm, as though everything we assumed would be as unchanging as a mountain range has suddenly come undone.

The ending thoughts were the best - "We may search for answers and it may take us years or decades to process all that we have been through, but at every moment there persists the invitation to be still, and to know God as a bedrock that shall not be moved!"

This is our prayer that we lean heavily on God and not our own strength which can leave us feeling like our stable mountains have just been thrown into the sea never to rise again!  Not true as God through His Son Jesus gives us life eternal!  John and I expect that!!  We will one day soar as eagles, run and not be weary, walk and not faint!