Well I can't believe I am writing this so soon but my beloved John went to his eternal home this morning around 9:38. Is it true that just a short 2 months ago we were hiking hills near the Sequoias and later walking all over a resort in the hills outside of Escondido? Life is unpredictable and facing each day with our plans realizing that God is really in control and we must say - whatever you will give Lord for this day. My heart is breaking and I have shed tons of tears already and know there are many yet to come. I also know if I bring this sadness to God and seek His answers for peace it will be there for me. Now this does not mean the tears will stop it just means I will receive peace and strength through the tears!
This week begin with a hope that John's pain was under control and that maybe we could share a week once more with his kids on a yearly trip to his timeshare. We prayed earnestly the day before we were going to leave for God to open or close the door for us. Well we felt it was very clearly shut and OH how thankful we clearly heard God's answer to stay home. As the week went on John became weaker and weaker until he barely moved. A hospital bed came in on Friday and by Saturday he was hardly able to talk. This week John's family went to the timeshare with his youngest daughter and husband staying home to help. Everyone did facetime each day and by Friday it became clear that Saturday to come home did not come any too soon. Roy and Nancy were a God send for me as by Thursday I had little sleep so they took care of John Friday night for me. I felt so grateful to be able to care for him on his last night of life and also the days before.
There is nothing easy about death - it is the curse of sin and certainly a rough journey as breath slowly leaves the body. Today was very peaceful as he left his body. I played the recording of Chris Tomlin's song "I Will Rise" and just as John let out his last breath the song ended.
I know I will cry and cry in the days to come but I cling to God harder than ever as I know it's the only way I will make it through this journey. I have been given some amazing devotions this month about death and dying and the difficulty this is to deal with. Today it was all about being a caregiver and how caregiving can be a labor of love that is more of an honor than a burden.
I am going to close this as so many family members and friends want to stop by to see me. It is wonderful to feel God's care for me in others as they give me love. Thank you to all of you that have already brought me love and John also when he was sick. Prayers are needed still for me to walk in this sad place.
Yes I'm wearing my "Expected in Heaven" T shirt today! Keep looking up and remember: "Now there is in store for (you &) me a crown of righteousness which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to (you &) me on that day - and not only to (you &) me, but also to all who have longed for His appearing." 2 Timothy 4:8
nice post. thanks for sharing👍
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