Facing the Sorrow

It is two weeks today since my sweet John went home to be with his Lord.  The time has neither gone slow nor fast, it just passes by one day at a time.  (I hear John telling me, "Vera take it one day at a time.") So the planning I do is only what is needed for the day and a little beyond, most of the time I focus on today.  My days consist of an urgency to rise early enough to spend time with God as I know from experience it is the only way I can face each day with enough strength and peace.  (I am blessed with the ability to sleep well which I believe is a gift God has given through everyone's wonderful prayers.)  This time in the grief process I call the dark cloud days.  The dark cloud comes over me out of the blue and I know there is no escaping the tears that must flow.  I never like them, it is painful to feel them coming on and I sometimes feel like I won't be able to stop once they start.  To my surprise they always stop and I always feel so much better (another surprise).

Yesterday felt like one big dark cloud until evening when my grandkids came and still sadness came and went.  Then Sunday (today) came and I hardly dared hope as I felt like a new woman!  I went to church with my granddaughter who spent the night and the service was so uplifting!  Our pastor did an awesome job of convicting us to know what it means to really belong to Jesus.  Telling us the story of Simon in Acts 8:20 who thought he was a believer but was trying to buy the gift of the Holy Spirit so therefore he was not really saved yet! We cannot earn salvation it is a free gift of God.  It needs to be what we want in life not what we earn.  It needs to be sought after with a sincere heart going after God and His ways not thinking we can do things to earn our way to God.  Love cannot be bought - most of us know that, but sometimes we try to do that with God.  Jesus covered the cost now we need to accept Him and follow His ways. So easy yet we make it hard sometimes.  The bottom line was I felt very lifted up in my sadness and the rest of the day has had few dark clouds!

As much as I wish I didn't have the loss of yet another husband in my life I know it brings me close to God because the need is so great!  Every day God has special answers for me.  Here is an example from one of my devotions which I happened to read on the morning of my worst dark cloud day this past week:
"We say that there ought to be no sorrow, but there IS sorrow, and we have to accept and receive ourselves in its fires.  If we try to evade sorrow, refusing to deal with it, we are foolish. Sorrow is one of the biggest facts in life, and there is no use in saying it should not be.  Sin, sorrow, and suffering ARE, and it is not for us to say that God has made a mistake in allowing them........
If you will receive yourself in the fires of sorrow, God will make you nourishment for other people."
A portion of a devotion from "My Utmost for His Highest" by Oswald Chambers.

I want to close by saying thank you for your prayers!  Don't stop praying for people you know are in the middle of deep sorrow or suffering!  I believe prayer does more than any of us realize.  Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.  Matthew 7:7

Pray and have expectation!!