Yesterday after arriving home from a very wonderful time with my sister's family I had a meltdown. I knew I was due for one since I hardly needed to cry on my trip. I did realize it was due mostly to the fact that I came home to an empty house and it accentuates the fact that your sweet husband is no longer there. No one to help bring in the luggage, no one to talk to about the pleasure of the trip and no one to discuss the plans for the coming week. John always said when we came home from any trip that the first night home we had to eat out. He did not want me to trouble myself with cooking. I always loved that idea so I knew I needed to carry on his tradition and honor him by eating out! Thankfully my sweet Cristina went with me and spent the night as well. This really helped lighten the sadness of the first night home.
This morning as I was doing devotions I also read my booklet on "Experiencing Grief" and read about how the first year after a loved one is gone is full of "first's". I knew this to be true and what I realized was that this was the first trip I took since John's death. It was not surprising it was rough to come home.
At the same time I don't want to sound like I don't have some amazingly good things going on often. This trip I took was so very good for me and was filled with a ton of joy. First my granddaughter who was going to go with me got sick so a neighbor of mine stepped in to come along so I wouldn't have to drive to Oregon from California by myself! My new neighborhood is wonderful and full of great ladies! We had a great time together as girls do, never running out of words. It makes road trips fly by. The travel went so smoothly and my neighbor and I had a great time with my sister, her husband, kids, grandkids and great grandkids for 3 full days. My favorite day was a wonderful hike and then a white water river rafting trip. A lot of white water and I didn't fall out!! It is always good to be with family that you don't always get to see to catch up on their lives. The time flew by and I didn't feel much of my sadness as I never had time to feel lonely! It was very good for my soul and very refreshing.
Now that I'm home again I have plenty to do so it's not like I feel the grief all the time but I know it is good to let it come out from time to time as otherwise it can take you down when you least expect. Tears are refreshing even if annoying.......
I wait and long for the day...
"He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." Revelation 21:4
Sunday, July 31, 2016
Sunday, July 10, 2016
Truth and Myth
Another two weeks have passed and I am happy to say they went by rather quickly. These past weeks have involved the fourth of July holiday and visits from friends and overnight stays of grandchildren and my foster daughter, Tricia. It is wonderful to have company and not have to handle life all alone when burdened already with such great loss. Grief is always with me but there is much time when I laugh and enjoy life that God has given for the day.
Grief struck again this morning at a very inconvenient time - as I entered the church foyer. Wow I thought, "Where in the world is this coming from!" I honestly can say I have no idea except I just knew the tears had to flow and there was no stopping them. I'm sorry if I made any of my dear church family uncomfortable but I wasn't going home as I love going to church and my friend Cristina was with me so there was no way I was leaving! It all went well though - hugs were given me by family and friends which actually made me cry more (it's okay though gets rid of a few more tears). After church Cristina and I had some brunch (my favorite Sunday thing to cook) and had a nice time to visit. Tricia and I had a great week as well visiting and catching up and sharing what's happening in our lives. It is hard but important to live with the truth of my situation - which is grief for a time. Again I cannot thank everyone who prays for me and others in tough situations - it is so needed!
Here are some things that encouraged me this week:
I thought of my two husbands God so lovingly gave to me - one for 48 years (Tom) and the other for 2 1/2 years (John). I loved telling John he helped me reach 50 years of marriage! Anyway this week in my sadness one day I thought to myself what would my godly husbands say to me if they were able right now? These are the verses that popped into my head!
Hebrews 12:1-3 "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses (all the believers who have gone before us to heaven - which includes Tom and John) let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."
I felt those heavenly cheers many times this week and it gave me strength to carry on with this earthly race we are on!
This week I also have been reading through a grief booklet from Stephen Ministries byKenneth C. Haugk called "A Time to Grieve" book one. There are four booklets. I highly recommend them to read on your own or with others if you are going through grief. One thing that stood out to me this week are some of the myths of grief - let me share some:
Myth: People with strong faith don't grieve.
Myth: A strong person should be able to get through a loss without showing emotion.
Myth: You should be pretty much back to normal after two or three months.
Myth: If you express intense feelings, you're losing control of yourself.
Myth: Crying is a sign of weakness.
Myth: Grief gets easier as you grow older.
Myth: Christians shouldn't grieve if they know their loved one is in heaven. They should only feel joy.
Myth: Continuing to talk about the person who died only makes the pain last longer.
Myth: After a loved one has died, you can never be happy again.
There are a few more and maybe you have some of your own. Grief is hard enough without having to face these myths so please do yourself a favor - believe the truth - God is there for you no matter how you feel even when you are angry at Him. Take all your grief to Him and He will be your comfort and strength in due time. Most importantly take time to cry and grieve when it is needed.
In the end we are all expected and wanted in Heaven by Jesus we just need to believe the truth - 2 Peter 3:9
Grief struck again this morning at a very inconvenient time - as I entered the church foyer. Wow I thought, "Where in the world is this coming from!" I honestly can say I have no idea except I just knew the tears had to flow and there was no stopping them. I'm sorry if I made any of my dear church family uncomfortable but I wasn't going home as I love going to church and my friend Cristina was with me so there was no way I was leaving! It all went well though - hugs were given me by family and friends which actually made me cry more (it's okay though gets rid of a few more tears). After church Cristina and I had some brunch (my favorite Sunday thing to cook) and had a nice time to visit. Tricia and I had a great week as well visiting and catching up and sharing what's happening in our lives. It is hard but important to live with the truth of my situation - which is grief for a time. Again I cannot thank everyone who prays for me and others in tough situations - it is so needed!
Here are some things that encouraged me this week:
I thought of my two husbands God so lovingly gave to me - one for 48 years (Tom) and the other for 2 1/2 years (John). I loved telling John he helped me reach 50 years of marriage! Anyway this week in my sadness one day I thought to myself what would my godly husbands say to me if they were able right now? These are the verses that popped into my head!
Hebrews 12:1-3 "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses (all the believers who have gone before us to heaven - which includes Tom and John) let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."
I felt those heavenly cheers many times this week and it gave me strength to carry on with this earthly race we are on!
This week I also have been reading through a grief booklet from Stephen Ministries byKenneth C. Haugk called "A Time to Grieve" book one. There are four booklets. I highly recommend them to read on your own or with others if you are going through grief. One thing that stood out to me this week are some of the myths of grief - let me share some:
Myth: People with strong faith don't grieve.
Myth: A strong person should be able to get through a loss without showing emotion.
Myth: You should be pretty much back to normal after two or three months.
Myth: If you express intense feelings, you're losing control of yourself.
Myth: Crying is a sign of weakness.
Myth: Grief gets easier as you grow older.
Myth: Christians shouldn't grieve if they know their loved one is in heaven. They should only feel joy.
Myth: Continuing to talk about the person who died only makes the pain last longer.
Myth: After a loved one has died, you can never be happy again.
There are a few more and maybe you have some of your own. Grief is hard enough without having to face these myths so please do yourself a favor - believe the truth - God is there for you no matter how you feel even when you are angry at Him. Take all your grief to Him and He will be your comfort and strength in due time. Most importantly take time to cry and grieve when it is needed.
In the end we are all expected and wanted in Heaven by Jesus we just need to believe the truth - 2 Peter 3:9
Sunday, June 26, 2016
Facing the Sorrow
It is two weeks today since my sweet John went home to be with his Lord. The time has neither gone slow nor fast, it just passes by one day at a time. (I hear John telling me, "Vera take it one day at a time.") So the planning I do is only what is needed for the day and a little beyond, most of the time I focus on today. My days consist of an urgency to rise early enough to spend time with God as I know from experience it is the only way I can face each day with enough strength and peace. (I am blessed with the ability to sleep well which I believe is a gift God has given through everyone's wonderful prayers.) This time in the grief process I call the dark cloud days. The dark cloud comes over me out of the blue and I know there is no escaping the tears that must flow. I never like them, it is painful to feel them coming on and I sometimes feel like I won't be able to stop once they start. To my surprise they always stop and I always feel so much better (another surprise).
Yesterday felt like one big dark cloud until evening when my grandkids came and still sadness came and went. Then Sunday (today) came and I hardly dared hope as I felt like a new woman! I went to church with my granddaughter who spent the night and the service was so uplifting! Our pastor did an awesome job of convicting us to know what it means to really belong to Jesus. Telling us the story of Simon in Acts 8:20 who thought he was a believer but was trying to buy the gift of the Holy Spirit so therefore he was not really saved yet! We cannot earn salvation it is a free gift of God. It needs to be what we want in life not what we earn. It needs to be sought after with a sincere heart going after God and His ways not thinking we can do things to earn our way to God. Love cannot be bought - most of us know that, but sometimes we try to do that with God. Jesus covered the cost now we need to accept Him and follow His ways. So easy yet we make it hard sometimes. The bottom line was I felt very lifted up in my sadness and the rest of the day has had few dark clouds!
As much as I wish I didn't have the loss of yet another husband in my life I know it brings me close to God because the need is so great! Every day God has special answers for me. Here is an example from one of my devotions which I happened to read on the morning of my worst dark cloud day this past week:
"We say that there ought to be no sorrow, but there IS sorrow, and we have to accept and receive ourselves in its fires. If we try to evade sorrow, refusing to deal with it, we are foolish. Sorrow is one of the biggest facts in life, and there is no use in saying it should not be. Sin, sorrow, and suffering ARE, and it is not for us to say that God has made a mistake in allowing them........
If you will receive yourself in the fires of sorrow, God will make you nourishment for other people."
A portion of a devotion from "My Utmost for His Highest" by Oswald Chambers.
I want to close by saying thank you for your prayers! Don't stop praying for people you know are in the middle of deep sorrow or suffering! I believe prayer does more than any of us realize. Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. Matthew 7:7
Pray and have expectation!!
Yesterday felt like one big dark cloud until evening when my grandkids came and still sadness came and went. Then Sunday (today) came and I hardly dared hope as I felt like a new woman! I went to church with my granddaughter who spent the night and the service was so uplifting! Our pastor did an awesome job of convicting us to know what it means to really belong to Jesus. Telling us the story of Simon in Acts 8:20 who thought he was a believer but was trying to buy the gift of the Holy Spirit so therefore he was not really saved yet! We cannot earn salvation it is a free gift of God. It needs to be what we want in life not what we earn. It needs to be sought after with a sincere heart going after God and His ways not thinking we can do things to earn our way to God. Love cannot be bought - most of us know that, but sometimes we try to do that with God. Jesus covered the cost now we need to accept Him and follow His ways. So easy yet we make it hard sometimes. The bottom line was I felt very lifted up in my sadness and the rest of the day has had few dark clouds!
As much as I wish I didn't have the loss of yet another husband in my life I know it brings me close to God because the need is so great! Every day God has special answers for me. Here is an example from one of my devotions which I happened to read on the morning of my worst dark cloud day this past week:
"We say that there ought to be no sorrow, but there IS sorrow, and we have to accept and receive ourselves in its fires. If we try to evade sorrow, refusing to deal with it, we are foolish. Sorrow is one of the biggest facts in life, and there is no use in saying it should not be. Sin, sorrow, and suffering ARE, and it is not for us to say that God has made a mistake in allowing them........
If you will receive yourself in the fires of sorrow, God will make you nourishment for other people."
A portion of a devotion from "My Utmost for His Highest" by Oswald Chambers.
I want to close by saying thank you for your prayers! Don't stop praying for people you know are in the middle of deep sorrow or suffering! I believe prayer does more than any of us realize. Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. Matthew 7:7
Pray and have expectation!!
Sunday, June 12, 2016
The Final Journey
Well I can't believe I am writing this so soon but my beloved John went to his eternal home this morning around 9:38. Is it true that just a short 2 months ago we were hiking hills near the Sequoias and later walking all over a resort in the hills outside of Escondido? Life is unpredictable and facing each day with our plans realizing that God is really in control and we must say - whatever you will give Lord for this day. My heart is breaking and I have shed tons of tears already and know there are many yet to come. I also know if I bring this sadness to God and seek His answers for peace it will be there for me. Now this does not mean the tears will stop it just means I will receive peace and strength through the tears!
This week begin with a hope that John's pain was under control and that maybe we could share a week once more with his kids on a yearly trip to his timeshare. We prayed earnestly the day before we were going to leave for God to open or close the door for us. Well we felt it was very clearly shut and OH how thankful we clearly heard God's answer to stay home. As the week went on John became weaker and weaker until he barely moved. A hospital bed came in on Friday and by Saturday he was hardly able to talk. This week John's family went to the timeshare with his youngest daughter and husband staying home to help. Everyone did facetime each day and by Friday it became clear that Saturday to come home did not come any too soon. Roy and Nancy were a God send for me as by Thursday I had little sleep so they took care of John Friday night for me. I felt so grateful to be able to care for him on his last night of life and also the days before.
There is nothing easy about death - it is the curse of sin and certainly a rough journey as breath slowly leaves the body. Today was very peaceful as he left his body. I played the recording of Chris Tomlin's song "I Will Rise" and just as John let out his last breath the song ended.
I know I will cry and cry in the days to come but I cling to God harder than ever as I know it's the only way I will make it through this journey. I have been given some amazing devotions this month about death and dying and the difficulty this is to deal with. Today it was all about being a caregiver and how caregiving can be a labor of love that is more of an honor than a burden.
I am going to close this as so many family members and friends want to stop by to see me. It is wonderful to feel God's care for me in others as they give me love. Thank you to all of you that have already brought me love and John also when he was sick. Prayers are needed still for me to walk in this sad place.
Yes I'm wearing my "Expected in Heaven" T shirt today! Keep looking up and remember: "Now there is in store for (you &) me a crown of righteousness which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to (you &) me on that day - and not only to (you &) me, but also to all who have longed for His appearing." 2 Timothy 4:8
This week begin with a hope that John's pain was under control and that maybe we could share a week once more with his kids on a yearly trip to his timeshare. We prayed earnestly the day before we were going to leave for God to open or close the door for us. Well we felt it was very clearly shut and OH how thankful we clearly heard God's answer to stay home. As the week went on John became weaker and weaker until he barely moved. A hospital bed came in on Friday and by Saturday he was hardly able to talk. This week John's family went to the timeshare with his youngest daughter and husband staying home to help. Everyone did facetime each day and by Friday it became clear that Saturday to come home did not come any too soon. Roy and Nancy were a God send for me as by Thursday I had little sleep so they took care of John Friday night for me. I felt so grateful to be able to care for him on his last night of life and also the days before.
There is nothing easy about death - it is the curse of sin and certainly a rough journey as breath slowly leaves the body. Today was very peaceful as he left his body. I played the recording of Chris Tomlin's song "I Will Rise" and just as John let out his last breath the song ended.
I know I will cry and cry in the days to come but I cling to God harder than ever as I know it's the only way I will make it through this journey. I have been given some amazing devotions this month about death and dying and the difficulty this is to deal with. Today it was all about being a caregiver and how caregiving can be a labor of love that is more of an honor than a burden.
I am going to close this as so many family members and friends want to stop by to see me. It is wonderful to feel God's care for me in others as they give me love. Thank you to all of you that have already brought me love and John also when he was sick. Prayers are needed still for me to walk in this sad place.
Yes I'm wearing my "Expected in Heaven" T shirt today! Keep looking up and remember: "Now there is in store for (you &) me a crown of righteousness which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to (you &) me on that day - and not only to (you &) me, but also to all who have longed for His appearing." 2 Timothy 4:8
Tuesday, June 7, 2016
Certainty in the Storm
Many of you have heard that John is continuing to decline which brings tears to my eyes several times a day but yet God also reminds me and John of the strength and comfort He gives us. It shows up in all sorts of ways - in our devotions, our kids coming to help or just bring us love and concern, our new neighborhood that never stops saying "ask anything we will be there", the many cards that continue to come, pastors who check in on us and finally and most importantly all who constantly pray for us!
I, Vera, could not find time to write on Sunday as the week was busy as John grows weaker. He can no longer stand and needs teamwork to move him from our bedroom to the family room for scenery change (we do have a wheelchair). Last week I noticed we were sleeping quite well but since then sleep is harder as John wakes and can't help himself. I feel like a new mom having to get up for feedings (although we don't eat we may get a drink of water or help to go to the bathroom (in his bed). Once you get that awake it is a bit of a struggle to get back to sleep for me. I know I should take more naps but naps are not my favorite thing! We have been able to manage John's pain a lot better for which we are very thankful! Although this is a difficult time and takes plenty of patience and perseverance I don't want it to pass quickly. I know I need to savor it and love on my husband so later there are no regrets. This time can surprise us how swiftly it can be gone! I'm not angry at God for making me go through it again so soon because I went into a second marriage knowing anything is possible. John and I are not exactly young and besides there is no certainty no matter what your age. Instead I am extremely thankful for all John has meant to me and how he gave me amazing comfort in my loss of Tom, his brother.
I read a devotion the other day that really helped me (God does this as I turn to Him daily). The truth is when trouble comes we naturally draw closer to God because it is the only thing that gives real peace. One day for instance I picked up one of my devotional readings and one was entitled "Shelter from the Storm". This woman used Psalm 46 and applied it to how it feels to be overwhelmed with loss in your life. (Right now I have lost a very healthy energetic husband who took long walks with me and loved staying up late so we could sit and have time to talk and share on our couch besides numerous other fun things couples enjoy doing together! (Instead now he can hardly move or stay awake very long to talk.) She recounted a story of loss of a loved one -"It felt like the earth was giving way" or their "world came crashing down". She then compared it to the psalmist saying the mountains are being swallowed up in the sea. Indeed loss in life can be compared to feeling as thought the very landscape of our lives has changed and the earth under us is not firm, as though everything we assumed would be as unchanging as a mountain range has suddenly come undone.
The ending thoughts were the best - "We may search for answers and it may take us years or decades to process all that we have been through, but at every moment there persists the invitation to be still, and to know God as a bedrock that shall not be moved!"
This is our prayer that we lean heavily on God and not our own strength which can leave us feeling like our stable mountains have just been thrown into the sea never to rise again! Not true as God through His Son Jesus gives us life eternal! John and I expect that!! We will one day soar as eagles, run and not be weary, walk and not faint!
I, Vera, could not find time to write on Sunday as the week was busy as John grows weaker. He can no longer stand and needs teamwork to move him from our bedroom to the family room for scenery change (we do have a wheelchair). Last week I noticed we were sleeping quite well but since then sleep is harder as John wakes and can't help himself. I feel like a new mom having to get up for feedings (although we don't eat we may get a drink of water or help to go to the bathroom (in his bed). Once you get that awake it is a bit of a struggle to get back to sleep for me. I know I should take more naps but naps are not my favorite thing! We have been able to manage John's pain a lot better for which we are very thankful! Although this is a difficult time and takes plenty of patience and perseverance I don't want it to pass quickly. I know I need to savor it and love on my husband so later there are no regrets. This time can surprise us how swiftly it can be gone! I'm not angry at God for making me go through it again so soon because I went into a second marriage knowing anything is possible. John and I are not exactly young and besides there is no certainty no matter what your age. Instead I am extremely thankful for all John has meant to me and how he gave me amazing comfort in my loss of Tom, his brother.
I read a devotion the other day that really helped me (God does this as I turn to Him daily). The truth is when trouble comes we naturally draw closer to God because it is the only thing that gives real peace. One day for instance I picked up one of my devotional readings and one was entitled "Shelter from the Storm". This woman used Psalm 46 and applied it to how it feels to be overwhelmed with loss in your life. (Right now I have lost a very healthy energetic husband who took long walks with me and loved staying up late so we could sit and have time to talk and share on our couch besides numerous other fun things couples enjoy doing together! (Instead now he can hardly move or stay awake very long to talk.) She recounted a story of loss of a loved one -"It felt like the earth was giving way" or their "world came crashing down". She then compared it to the psalmist saying the mountains are being swallowed up in the sea. Indeed loss in life can be compared to feeling as thought the very landscape of our lives has changed and the earth under us is not firm, as though everything we assumed would be as unchanging as a mountain range has suddenly come undone.
The ending thoughts were the best - "We may search for answers and it may take us years or decades to process all that we have been through, but at every moment there persists the invitation to be still, and to know God as a bedrock that shall not be moved!"
This is our prayer that we lean heavily on God and not our own strength which can leave us feeling like our stable mountains have just been thrown into the sea never to rise again! Not true as God through His Son Jesus gives us life eternal! John and I expect that!! We will one day soar as eagles, run and not be weary, walk and not faint!
Sunday, May 29, 2016
Blessings and Trials
Here it is Sunday evening and we are thinking back on our week of blessings and trials! It has been a good week in so many ways. We are thankful that John has a great appetite and his food sets well if he doesn't forget to chew his food properly! (A lesson all of us need to learn) John and I both sleep soundly and if we do wake up we go back to sleep quickly - we are very thankful for good rest! John has been on some rather strong medication and his stomach can handle it and he has a clear head. Together we praise God for these things! We are thankful for all the family and friends who love us and call on us and pray for us on a continual basis. Your prayers are felt and we know they have given calmness and strength as well as protection. Thank you to all you dear people praying!!
This week Saturday, May 28 was John's birthday and we were blessed beyond words with a houseful of kids and grandkids and great grandkids stopping by to wish John a happy 78th birthday. John felt so strong all afternoon enjoying our open house time with them. That night we sat down to a light dinner after everyone left, outside on our patio. After we were finished I took some dishes in the kitchen while John tried to pick up a couple items for me (he was walking with his cane and wants to help me so badly). He slipped and fell on the concrete on his bottom (scared the living daylights out of me!) but God was so good and nothing was broken except some crackers he was trying to carry! We needed a neighbor to help lift him up as John was very shook up himself. We are very thankful to have close neighbors!!
John is still working on pain control (not so much from the fall but has had pain all week - fall didn't help though) but also weakness in his legs. They no longer hold him up so well. He said the hardest thing for him (and he wanted me to share this with you) is to realize this is something so different - to have a mindset that you probably won't get better in fact most likely you will get worse. All your life you get sick and always wait for the day when you feel better, right? Well this is very new and strange - to let go of life as it once was and put yourself completely in the hands of God. He says it is not such a bad feeling it is just so different then we are used to.
John is doing such an amazing job of living this way. He gives me courage each day as I see him handle all the things he has to.
Together we read something Oswald Chambers wrote that we thought expressed well how we feel about this season of life experience of really letting go and relying on God completely.
"In that day you will ask Me nothing." John 16:23 Oswald writes:
"When is 'that day'? It is when the ascended Lord makes you one with the Father. 'In that day' you will be one with the Father just as Jesus is, and He said, 'In that day you will ask Me nothing.' Until the resurrection life of Jesus is fully exhibited in you, you have questions about many things. Then after a while you find that all your questions are gone -- you don't seem to have any left to ask. You have come to the point of total reliance on the resurrection life of Jesus, which brings you into complete oneness with the purpose of God.......
In that day you will ask Me nothing -- you will not need to ask because you will be certain that God will reveal things in accordance with His will."
John and I feel we are waiting on the Lord with what He will give us each day. We have joy and peace as well as moments of tears and sorrow together, but we are learning better each day to know and believe that God has us in His Hands and His purpose will be accomplished!
This week Saturday, May 28 was John's birthday and we were blessed beyond words with a houseful of kids and grandkids and great grandkids stopping by to wish John a happy 78th birthday. John felt so strong all afternoon enjoying our open house time with them. That night we sat down to a light dinner after everyone left, outside on our patio. After we were finished I took some dishes in the kitchen while John tried to pick up a couple items for me (he was walking with his cane and wants to help me so badly). He slipped and fell on the concrete on his bottom (scared the living daylights out of me!) but God was so good and nothing was broken except some crackers he was trying to carry! We needed a neighbor to help lift him up as John was very shook up himself. We are very thankful to have close neighbors!!
John is still working on pain control (not so much from the fall but has had pain all week - fall didn't help though) but also weakness in his legs. They no longer hold him up so well. He said the hardest thing for him (and he wanted me to share this with you) is to realize this is something so different - to have a mindset that you probably won't get better in fact most likely you will get worse. All your life you get sick and always wait for the day when you feel better, right? Well this is very new and strange - to let go of life as it once was and put yourself completely in the hands of God. He says it is not such a bad feeling it is just so different then we are used to.
John is doing such an amazing job of living this way. He gives me courage each day as I see him handle all the things he has to.
Together we read something Oswald Chambers wrote that we thought expressed well how we feel about this season of life experience of really letting go and relying on God completely.
"In that day you will ask Me nothing." John 16:23 Oswald writes:
"When is 'that day'? It is when the ascended Lord makes you one with the Father. 'In that day' you will be one with the Father just as Jesus is, and He said, 'In that day you will ask Me nothing.' Until the resurrection life of Jesus is fully exhibited in you, you have questions about many things. Then after a while you find that all your questions are gone -- you don't seem to have any left to ask. You have come to the point of total reliance on the resurrection life of Jesus, which brings you into complete oneness with the purpose of God.......
In that day you will ask Me nothing -- you will not need to ask because you will be certain that God will reveal things in accordance with His will."
John and I feel we are waiting on the Lord with what He will give us each day. We have joy and peace as well as moments of tears and sorrow together, but we are learning better each day to know and believe that God has us in His Hands and His purpose will be accomplished!
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