"Show me your ways, O Lord, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long." Psalm 25:4-5
A great verse to start my day along with the advice to - "He (God through His Spirit) will not help you go backward, so beware of seeking refuge in the past. You need to keep moving forward......" I find that in my reading and devotion time, this advice is often given. It has helped me as life is so different and sometimes I just want to go back and wish I could still be in that place I loved and enjoyed with a very dear man.
It is 8 months already and things are changing. The tears don't come as often, but still can surprise me at odd times when I least expect. I have learned that it is good to cry so the sadness is able to get out and I can go on in God's strength. I have also learned God wants me to live the life He gives me and be open to the changes. Every day there can be a lot of changes. Living alone is never that great when life was shared with another for so long. I have a great group of grandkids who live close that don't allow too much opportunity for loneliness though. Sundays and weekends are full of activities not to mention the ministry I enjoy during the week. My children and grandchildren and others seem to call often so I have an incredible amount of fun things to do. Like go to Disneyland and use my year pass plenty!!
My biggest change - a boyfriend!! All I can say is this was not supposed to happen! I was quite determined to live alone and enjoy life with family and friends! I guess you can say God had other plans. I know I told you that my sister-in-law passed away a few short weeks after Tom. I felt the need to encourage my brother-in-law, John, making sure he did not become a hermit. I knew how lonely weekends could feel if you did not get together with family after church or do some things with friends during the week. Women so often are the social planners so I took it upon myself to invite him to gatherings with friends and family. I did not realize this would inspire friendship and sharing together in a way that would lead to caring so deeply. Silly me........ Anyway we announced to our family first when we discovered we might care a little more than just friends about each other. A few weeks ago we told others. So I was ready to blog it and admit I am enjoying having a relationship with a man.
There are so many feelings that go with allowing someone else in your life - is this okay? Is it God's will for you? What will my family think? What will others think? I loved my husband so much how can I love another?? I can tell you our families were so important to us both and how they felt. We have a big advantage since they have known and loved their uncle as long as we have been married and we always lived close. It was still a VERY big change for all of us and we have spent hours talking on the phone and in person about these changes. Praying over as well as thinking about what we might be ready for. Time will tell..... One thing that was helpful were some things we both read in a book called "The Color of Rain". It was about a couple who had lost spouses and what they went through and how they met and married. The one thing that helped me was when one of their children was struggling over loving another possible mother. The woman who was going to be the new mother asked her if she was feeling guilty about loving another mother. The girl said yes. She then told her that her own mother had helped her one day by saying when we have more than one child we don't stop loving the first one we just grow another heart to love the next child. This was a big help to me also, and John, as we know how much we both loved our spouses and that doesn't go away. We are learning it is possible to love another and go forward in life.
That's the news for now and as John and I go forward we realize this:
"The length of our days is seventy or eighty if we have the strength; yet their span is but trouble and sorrow, for they quickly pass, and we fly away" Psalm 90:10
Therefore we must "Dwell in the shelter of the Most High and rest in the shadow of the Almighty and say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God in whom I trust." Psalm 91:1-2
God has given us a short time on this earth to love and be loved and be an example of how to love with His love while we have time to do so. We look forward to life as long as God grants it and then know we are EXPECTED IN HEAVEN with our loved ones one day!
