It was time to face another special day - October 26 was supposed to be John and my 3rd anniversary. John had made plans for this celebration, too, about 7 months ago. He was a planner and whenever he was able to get a good deal with his time-shares he would say to me, "How about we go to Palm Desert for our 3rd Anniversary? October came and I knew I had another trip to decide if I was to go. A dear friend, Jeri, agreed to go, so away we went down to Palm Desert! It just happened to be her birthday near my Anniversary and she had lost her husband a few months before my John passed away. We decided to celebrate the way our husbands would have if they had been with us, dinner at Ruth's Chris. Yes, we dressed up pretty and tried not to make our waitress cry when we told her what we were celebrating. Jeri and I enjoyed sharing memories together and of course shed some tears but needless to say it was a great restful week for both of us. We were both glad to have some blessed and happy times around the sad reminder of loss! We did make time to watch a few awesome movies, which if you haven't seen them, we highly recommend! "October Baby" and "Miracles from Heaven" great stories and wonderful acting! Warning they do make you cry!
Another thing we did was attended a favorite church John had taken me to the two times we had been down there before called Southwest Church. We were both glad we went as it was so inspiring! We felt it applied very well to living the life of a widow and staying strong with God. It can apply to any situation in life that is tough to live with. Here are the key points - in fact I love reading them again for myself!! I feel bad as I can't find the pastor's name on the bulletin!
From: Philippians 1:12-30
Key Questions:
1. Am I living with God's perspective?
When I face problems joyfully.....(not always easy)
It advances the gospel! It encourages other believers. It teaches me what's important.
Lesson: God has a purpose behind everyone of my problems!
2. Am I living on God's power?
3. Am I living for God's purpose?
Lesson: If I have power and purpose I have passion!
Essential Steps:
1. Stand firm! How? Don't give up!
2. Stick together! How? Don't go it alone!
3. Stay confident! How? Don't be afraid!
The most important message I received that day is whose voice am I listening to and believing? God or my world? Do I believe God's Word is true and completely reliable? YES! Paul the apostle wrote this letter to the Philippian believers when he was in very hard conditions. He was in prison for his faith.
I don't know about you but these thoughts really encouraged me!
Today back at my own church our youth pastor Tim did an awesome job of pointing out these same important truths in our lives. We need to believe that the Bible is the true inspired Word of God and can make us wise for salvation through Jesus. It is the only way we can face the difficult issues of our day. We can't save ourselves by good deeds, or work, only Jesus saves through His death and resurrection!
By this truth we can BELIEVE and BE SURE we are EXPECTED IN HEAVEN!!
Sunday, October 30, 2016
Sunday, September 18, 2016
An Adventure to Zip Line
Well looking back I see it has already been more than a month since I've wrote anything on this blog.... maybe that's a good thing as I think God has given me a load of peace and strength in the last month.
John had planned a trip to Branson, MO to take me on for my birthday. A timeshare was reserved for us which was fully paid and when John became ill he told me - "Vera take that trip if you can find a friend to go with you if I'm no longer here." It was not a thing I thought I could make happen and almost jokingly said to my foster daughter, Tricia, "Want to go to Branson, MO with me?" I was shocked when she said, "SURE! I'd love to go!" Her husband Steve was wonderful and let his wife go with me for a whole week! We had a blast seeing wonderful music shows and an amazing production of the story of Moses! My favorite thing - Tricia's idea I would have never considered it - was zip lining! At first it was the scariest thing I'd ever done but by the time we finished I was ready to go again! Though it was Tricia's idea, she said once was enough for her. Smile.
It does take a lot of trust to zip line and jump off a tiny platform without knowing if that itty bitty line over your head will hold you up as you swing 30 feet in the air over tree tops to the next platform! The first jump made me shake like a leaf but each swing became more fun!
I believe that walking with God and trusting Him with ALL your life is a similar situation and can be frightening sometimes. God has been so good to me in giving me an incredible amount of comfort. I can say I often feel sadness and have tears because I still miss John but I am not lonely. There is too much love all around me (not to mention God's precious enfolding arms) which gives me a lot of joy and peace. Another reason I don't feel lonely is I have several sweet girlfriends who have lost husbands as well and we can relate feelings and have friendship. One in particular is a friend named Pat who told me about a wonderful book called "The Undistracted Widow" by Carol W. Cornish. We are having a sort of book club going through it together. It has been such a great guide to helping me see that God has called me to this place and I need to learn to embrace it. That seems a little heavy but as I ponder that it gives me a great deal of assurance and comfort.
Finally to close I just want to say wherever God has called you to walk right now lean on His word and God's people to receive His assurance of salvation through Jesus who died for us and freely offers eternal life.
"We are in a battle because the Christian life is war. We know the outcome and we will triumph over our enemies through Christ. Let's take seriously Paul's exhortation to Timothy and consider it our own: "Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called and about which you made the good confession in the presence of many witnesses." (1 Timothy 6:12) A thought from the book "The Undistracted Widow".
Expecting heaven in the end..................
John had planned a trip to Branson, MO to take me on for my birthday. A timeshare was reserved for us which was fully paid and when John became ill he told me - "Vera take that trip if you can find a friend to go with you if I'm no longer here." It was not a thing I thought I could make happen and almost jokingly said to my foster daughter, Tricia, "Want to go to Branson, MO with me?" I was shocked when she said, "SURE! I'd love to go!" Her husband Steve was wonderful and let his wife go with me for a whole week! We had a blast seeing wonderful music shows and an amazing production of the story of Moses! My favorite thing - Tricia's idea I would have never considered it - was zip lining! At first it was the scariest thing I'd ever done but by the time we finished I was ready to go again! Though it was Tricia's idea, she said once was enough for her. Smile.
It does take a lot of trust to zip line and jump off a tiny platform without knowing if that itty bitty line over your head will hold you up as you swing 30 feet in the air over tree tops to the next platform! The first jump made me shake like a leaf but each swing became more fun!
I believe that walking with God and trusting Him with ALL your life is a similar situation and can be frightening sometimes. God has been so good to me in giving me an incredible amount of comfort. I can say I often feel sadness and have tears because I still miss John but I am not lonely. There is too much love all around me (not to mention God's precious enfolding arms) which gives me a lot of joy and peace. Another reason I don't feel lonely is I have several sweet girlfriends who have lost husbands as well and we can relate feelings and have friendship. One in particular is a friend named Pat who told me about a wonderful book called "The Undistracted Widow" by Carol W. Cornish. We are having a sort of book club going through it together. It has been such a great guide to helping me see that God has called me to this place and I need to learn to embrace it. That seems a little heavy but as I ponder that it gives me a great deal of assurance and comfort.
Finally to close I just want to say wherever God has called you to walk right now lean on His word and God's people to receive His assurance of salvation through Jesus who died for us and freely offers eternal life.
"We are in a battle because the Christian life is war. We know the outcome and we will triumph over our enemies through Christ. Let's take seriously Paul's exhortation to Timothy and consider it our own: "Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called and about which you made the good confession in the presence of many witnesses." (1 Timothy 6:12) A thought from the book "The Undistracted Widow".
Expecting heaven in the end..................
Tuesday, August 16, 2016
Expect Life in the Wilderness
First of all maybe I should start by saying I lied. Yup sorry I was often telling friends and family members "I think this time around (losing my second husband) is a little bit easier than the first time." Not true I decided as I analyzed my situation which can be especially rough at times with lots of tears coming out of nowhere. What I can say is it is different, or maybe it just feels different as it is an experience I've gone through before so I have a little knowledge of what to expect and how to get the comfort I so desperately need at times. God gives me loads of comfort through a host of ways, which include children, grandchildren, friends and everyones prayers along with many loving things done for me.
God always surprises me though and with those surprises reminds me that He is in control and not me. Take for instance this past Sunday morning as I readied myself for church I just couldn't stop crying and it was a bit annoying - feeling like I didn't have time for crying right then - but those tears just kept coming. I felt okay as I left for church and found a seat. My daughter-in-law almost blew it for me by asking, "Are you having a good morning or would you like me to sit beside you?" It was amazing that I was able to say, "Yes I'm good you can sit by your husband." The music minister started the service by saying we are having a time of confession and lament! He made us think about all the things that make us mournful and downcast! After the prayer time (which of course covered many areas of mourning I was going through just that morning) we sang songs that also made us think of sadness as well as give us hope in grief! God surprised me with His strength and comfort during this time and I did not have to shed one tear! I felt like NO WONDER I had to have all those tears to prepare! I was SO GLAD I took time with God before this service! Phew!
This was followed by our pastor preaching on Psalm 23, a favorite of my first husband as he walked through his cancer. On our first trip to Israel my husband and I learned what green pastures and quiet waters really looked like and I always love being reminded (part of our sermon that day) of the fact that it's like a wilderness where the shepherd leads the sheep and cares for them in Israel. Our pastor had another reminder of this thought how in Egypt God called His people out of the flourishing land of the Nile to the Wilderness - a place of death. Our pastor gave such great word pictures of how God calls us to that place of death and we cannot survive without Him. Psalm 63 is a beautiful picture of this. I enjoyed another reminder of Jesus saying in Matthew 10:39 if we lose our life we will gain it. To me this means I need to trust that God knows what He is doing and I should always give Him my wilderness and be confident He will take care of me in it. We must not be afraid of the wilderness because God does big things in this place that seems like death and His people knew that the wilderness was really God's country.
Final thought is that I have to cling to God each day in whatever joy or sadness come my way and be confident He can help me find exactly what I need each and everyday. I know I can be comforted as God has faithfully done this so many times for me in the past. I can EXPECT it.
God always surprises me though and with those surprises reminds me that He is in control and not me. Take for instance this past Sunday morning as I readied myself for church I just couldn't stop crying and it was a bit annoying - feeling like I didn't have time for crying right then - but those tears just kept coming. I felt okay as I left for church and found a seat. My daughter-in-law almost blew it for me by asking, "Are you having a good morning or would you like me to sit beside you?" It was amazing that I was able to say, "Yes I'm good you can sit by your husband." The music minister started the service by saying we are having a time of confession and lament! He made us think about all the things that make us mournful and downcast! After the prayer time (which of course covered many areas of mourning I was going through just that morning) we sang songs that also made us think of sadness as well as give us hope in grief! God surprised me with His strength and comfort during this time and I did not have to shed one tear! I felt like NO WONDER I had to have all those tears to prepare! I was SO GLAD I took time with God before this service! Phew!
This was followed by our pastor preaching on Psalm 23, a favorite of my first husband as he walked through his cancer. On our first trip to Israel my husband and I learned what green pastures and quiet waters really looked like and I always love being reminded (part of our sermon that day) of the fact that it's like a wilderness where the shepherd leads the sheep and cares for them in Israel. Our pastor had another reminder of this thought how in Egypt God called His people out of the flourishing land of the Nile to the Wilderness - a place of death. Our pastor gave such great word pictures of how God calls us to that place of death and we cannot survive without Him. Psalm 63 is a beautiful picture of this. I enjoyed another reminder of Jesus saying in Matthew 10:39 if we lose our life we will gain it. To me this means I need to trust that God knows what He is doing and I should always give Him my wilderness and be confident He will take care of me in it. We must not be afraid of the wilderness because God does big things in this place that seems like death and His people knew that the wilderness was really God's country.
Final thought is that I have to cling to God each day in whatever joy or sadness come my way and be confident He can help me find exactly what I need each and everyday. I know I can be comforted as God has faithfully done this so many times for me in the past. I can EXPECT it.
Sunday, July 31, 2016
The Beginning of the First's
Yesterday after arriving home from a very wonderful time with my sister's family I had a meltdown. I knew I was due for one since I hardly needed to cry on my trip. I did realize it was due mostly to the fact that I came home to an empty house and it accentuates the fact that your sweet husband is no longer there. No one to help bring in the luggage, no one to talk to about the pleasure of the trip and no one to discuss the plans for the coming week. John always said when we came home from any trip that the first night home we had to eat out. He did not want me to trouble myself with cooking. I always loved that idea so I knew I needed to carry on his tradition and honor him by eating out! Thankfully my sweet Cristina went with me and spent the night as well. This really helped lighten the sadness of the first night home.
This morning as I was doing devotions I also read my booklet on "Experiencing Grief" and read about how the first year after a loved one is gone is full of "first's". I knew this to be true and what I realized was that this was the first trip I took since John's death. It was not surprising it was rough to come home.
At the same time I don't want to sound like I don't have some amazingly good things going on often. This trip I took was so very good for me and was filled with a ton of joy. First my granddaughter who was going to go with me got sick so a neighbor of mine stepped in to come along so I wouldn't have to drive to Oregon from California by myself! My new neighborhood is wonderful and full of great ladies! We had a great time together as girls do, never running out of words. It makes road trips fly by. The travel went so smoothly and my neighbor and I had a great time with my sister, her husband, kids, grandkids and great grandkids for 3 full days. My favorite day was a wonderful hike and then a white water river rafting trip. A lot of white water and I didn't fall out!! It is always good to be with family that you don't always get to see to catch up on their lives. The time flew by and I didn't feel much of my sadness as I never had time to feel lonely! It was very good for my soul and very refreshing.
Now that I'm home again I have plenty to do so it's not like I feel the grief all the time but I know it is good to let it come out from time to time as otherwise it can take you down when you least expect. Tears are refreshing even if annoying.......
I wait and long for the day...
"He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." Revelation 21:4
This morning as I was doing devotions I also read my booklet on "Experiencing Grief" and read about how the first year after a loved one is gone is full of "first's". I knew this to be true and what I realized was that this was the first trip I took since John's death. It was not surprising it was rough to come home.
At the same time I don't want to sound like I don't have some amazingly good things going on often. This trip I took was so very good for me and was filled with a ton of joy. First my granddaughter who was going to go with me got sick so a neighbor of mine stepped in to come along so I wouldn't have to drive to Oregon from California by myself! My new neighborhood is wonderful and full of great ladies! We had a great time together as girls do, never running out of words. It makes road trips fly by. The travel went so smoothly and my neighbor and I had a great time with my sister, her husband, kids, grandkids and great grandkids for 3 full days. My favorite day was a wonderful hike and then a white water river rafting trip. A lot of white water and I didn't fall out!! It is always good to be with family that you don't always get to see to catch up on their lives. The time flew by and I didn't feel much of my sadness as I never had time to feel lonely! It was very good for my soul and very refreshing.
Now that I'm home again I have plenty to do so it's not like I feel the grief all the time but I know it is good to let it come out from time to time as otherwise it can take you down when you least expect. Tears are refreshing even if annoying.......
I wait and long for the day...
"He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." Revelation 21:4
Sunday, July 10, 2016
Truth and Myth
Another two weeks have passed and I am happy to say they went by rather quickly. These past weeks have involved the fourth of July holiday and visits from friends and overnight stays of grandchildren and my foster daughter, Tricia. It is wonderful to have company and not have to handle life all alone when burdened already with such great loss. Grief is always with me but there is much time when I laugh and enjoy life that God has given for the day.
Grief struck again this morning at a very inconvenient time - as I entered the church foyer. Wow I thought, "Where in the world is this coming from!" I honestly can say I have no idea except I just knew the tears had to flow and there was no stopping them. I'm sorry if I made any of my dear church family uncomfortable but I wasn't going home as I love going to church and my friend Cristina was with me so there was no way I was leaving! It all went well though - hugs were given me by family and friends which actually made me cry more (it's okay though gets rid of a few more tears). After church Cristina and I had some brunch (my favorite Sunday thing to cook) and had a nice time to visit. Tricia and I had a great week as well visiting and catching up and sharing what's happening in our lives. It is hard but important to live with the truth of my situation - which is grief for a time. Again I cannot thank everyone who prays for me and others in tough situations - it is so needed!
Here are some things that encouraged me this week:
I thought of my two husbands God so lovingly gave to me - one for 48 years (Tom) and the other for 2 1/2 years (John). I loved telling John he helped me reach 50 years of marriage! Anyway this week in my sadness one day I thought to myself what would my godly husbands say to me if they were able right now? These are the verses that popped into my head!
Hebrews 12:1-3 "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses (all the believers who have gone before us to heaven - which includes Tom and John) let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."
I felt those heavenly cheers many times this week and it gave me strength to carry on with this earthly race we are on!
This week I also have been reading through a grief booklet from Stephen Ministries byKenneth C. Haugk called "A Time to Grieve" book one. There are four booklets. I highly recommend them to read on your own or with others if you are going through grief. One thing that stood out to me this week are some of the myths of grief - let me share some:
Myth: People with strong faith don't grieve.
Myth: A strong person should be able to get through a loss without showing emotion.
Myth: You should be pretty much back to normal after two or three months.
Myth: If you express intense feelings, you're losing control of yourself.
Myth: Crying is a sign of weakness.
Myth: Grief gets easier as you grow older.
Myth: Christians shouldn't grieve if they know their loved one is in heaven. They should only feel joy.
Myth: Continuing to talk about the person who died only makes the pain last longer.
Myth: After a loved one has died, you can never be happy again.
There are a few more and maybe you have some of your own. Grief is hard enough without having to face these myths so please do yourself a favor - believe the truth - God is there for you no matter how you feel even when you are angry at Him. Take all your grief to Him and He will be your comfort and strength in due time. Most importantly take time to cry and grieve when it is needed.
In the end we are all expected and wanted in Heaven by Jesus we just need to believe the truth - 2 Peter 3:9
Grief struck again this morning at a very inconvenient time - as I entered the church foyer. Wow I thought, "Where in the world is this coming from!" I honestly can say I have no idea except I just knew the tears had to flow and there was no stopping them. I'm sorry if I made any of my dear church family uncomfortable but I wasn't going home as I love going to church and my friend Cristina was with me so there was no way I was leaving! It all went well though - hugs were given me by family and friends which actually made me cry more (it's okay though gets rid of a few more tears). After church Cristina and I had some brunch (my favorite Sunday thing to cook) and had a nice time to visit. Tricia and I had a great week as well visiting and catching up and sharing what's happening in our lives. It is hard but important to live with the truth of my situation - which is grief for a time. Again I cannot thank everyone who prays for me and others in tough situations - it is so needed!
Here are some things that encouraged me this week:
I thought of my two husbands God so lovingly gave to me - one for 48 years (Tom) and the other for 2 1/2 years (John). I loved telling John he helped me reach 50 years of marriage! Anyway this week in my sadness one day I thought to myself what would my godly husbands say to me if they were able right now? These are the verses that popped into my head!
Hebrews 12:1-3 "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses (all the believers who have gone before us to heaven - which includes Tom and John) let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."
I felt those heavenly cheers many times this week and it gave me strength to carry on with this earthly race we are on!
This week I also have been reading through a grief booklet from Stephen Ministries byKenneth C. Haugk called "A Time to Grieve" book one. There are four booklets. I highly recommend them to read on your own or with others if you are going through grief. One thing that stood out to me this week are some of the myths of grief - let me share some:
Myth: People with strong faith don't grieve.
Myth: A strong person should be able to get through a loss without showing emotion.
Myth: You should be pretty much back to normal after two or three months.
Myth: If you express intense feelings, you're losing control of yourself.
Myth: Crying is a sign of weakness.
Myth: Grief gets easier as you grow older.
Myth: Christians shouldn't grieve if they know their loved one is in heaven. They should only feel joy.
Myth: Continuing to talk about the person who died only makes the pain last longer.
Myth: After a loved one has died, you can never be happy again.
There are a few more and maybe you have some of your own. Grief is hard enough without having to face these myths so please do yourself a favor - believe the truth - God is there for you no matter how you feel even when you are angry at Him. Take all your grief to Him and He will be your comfort and strength in due time. Most importantly take time to cry and grieve when it is needed.
In the end we are all expected and wanted in Heaven by Jesus we just need to believe the truth - 2 Peter 3:9
Sunday, June 26, 2016
Facing the Sorrow
It is two weeks today since my sweet John went home to be with his Lord. The time has neither gone slow nor fast, it just passes by one day at a time. (I hear John telling me, "Vera take it one day at a time.") So the planning I do is only what is needed for the day and a little beyond, most of the time I focus on today. My days consist of an urgency to rise early enough to spend time with God as I know from experience it is the only way I can face each day with enough strength and peace. (I am blessed with the ability to sleep well which I believe is a gift God has given through everyone's wonderful prayers.) This time in the grief process I call the dark cloud days. The dark cloud comes over me out of the blue and I know there is no escaping the tears that must flow. I never like them, it is painful to feel them coming on and I sometimes feel like I won't be able to stop once they start. To my surprise they always stop and I always feel so much better (another surprise).
Yesterday felt like one big dark cloud until evening when my grandkids came and still sadness came and went. Then Sunday (today) came and I hardly dared hope as I felt like a new woman! I went to church with my granddaughter who spent the night and the service was so uplifting! Our pastor did an awesome job of convicting us to know what it means to really belong to Jesus. Telling us the story of Simon in Acts 8:20 who thought he was a believer but was trying to buy the gift of the Holy Spirit so therefore he was not really saved yet! We cannot earn salvation it is a free gift of God. It needs to be what we want in life not what we earn. It needs to be sought after with a sincere heart going after God and His ways not thinking we can do things to earn our way to God. Love cannot be bought - most of us know that, but sometimes we try to do that with God. Jesus covered the cost now we need to accept Him and follow His ways. So easy yet we make it hard sometimes. The bottom line was I felt very lifted up in my sadness and the rest of the day has had few dark clouds!
As much as I wish I didn't have the loss of yet another husband in my life I know it brings me close to God because the need is so great! Every day God has special answers for me. Here is an example from one of my devotions which I happened to read on the morning of my worst dark cloud day this past week:
"We say that there ought to be no sorrow, but there IS sorrow, and we have to accept and receive ourselves in its fires. If we try to evade sorrow, refusing to deal with it, we are foolish. Sorrow is one of the biggest facts in life, and there is no use in saying it should not be. Sin, sorrow, and suffering ARE, and it is not for us to say that God has made a mistake in allowing them........
If you will receive yourself in the fires of sorrow, God will make you nourishment for other people."
A portion of a devotion from "My Utmost for His Highest" by Oswald Chambers.
I want to close by saying thank you for your prayers! Don't stop praying for people you know are in the middle of deep sorrow or suffering! I believe prayer does more than any of us realize. Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. Matthew 7:7
Pray and have expectation!!
Yesterday felt like one big dark cloud until evening when my grandkids came and still sadness came and went. Then Sunday (today) came and I hardly dared hope as I felt like a new woman! I went to church with my granddaughter who spent the night and the service was so uplifting! Our pastor did an awesome job of convicting us to know what it means to really belong to Jesus. Telling us the story of Simon in Acts 8:20 who thought he was a believer but was trying to buy the gift of the Holy Spirit so therefore he was not really saved yet! We cannot earn salvation it is a free gift of God. It needs to be what we want in life not what we earn. It needs to be sought after with a sincere heart going after God and His ways not thinking we can do things to earn our way to God. Love cannot be bought - most of us know that, but sometimes we try to do that with God. Jesus covered the cost now we need to accept Him and follow His ways. So easy yet we make it hard sometimes. The bottom line was I felt very lifted up in my sadness and the rest of the day has had few dark clouds!
As much as I wish I didn't have the loss of yet another husband in my life I know it brings me close to God because the need is so great! Every day God has special answers for me. Here is an example from one of my devotions which I happened to read on the morning of my worst dark cloud day this past week:
"We say that there ought to be no sorrow, but there IS sorrow, and we have to accept and receive ourselves in its fires. If we try to evade sorrow, refusing to deal with it, we are foolish. Sorrow is one of the biggest facts in life, and there is no use in saying it should not be. Sin, sorrow, and suffering ARE, and it is not for us to say that God has made a mistake in allowing them........
If you will receive yourself in the fires of sorrow, God will make you nourishment for other people."
A portion of a devotion from "My Utmost for His Highest" by Oswald Chambers.
I want to close by saying thank you for your prayers! Don't stop praying for people you know are in the middle of deep sorrow or suffering! I believe prayer does more than any of us realize. Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. Matthew 7:7
Pray and have expectation!!
Sunday, June 12, 2016
The Final Journey
Well I can't believe I am writing this so soon but my beloved John went to his eternal home this morning around 9:38. Is it true that just a short 2 months ago we were hiking hills near the Sequoias and later walking all over a resort in the hills outside of Escondido? Life is unpredictable and facing each day with our plans realizing that God is really in control and we must say - whatever you will give Lord for this day. My heart is breaking and I have shed tons of tears already and know there are many yet to come. I also know if I bring this sadness to God and seek His answers for peace it will be there for me. Now this does not mean the tears will stop it just means I will receive peace and strength through the tears!
This week begin with a hope that John's pain was under control and that maybe we could share a week once more with his kids on a yearly trip to his timeshare. We prayed earnestly the day before we were going to leave for God to open or close the door for us. Well we felt it was very clearly shut and OH how thankful we clearly heard God's answer to stay home. As the week went on John became weaker and weaker until he barely moved. A hospital bed came in on Friday and by Saturday he was hardly able to talk. This week John's family went to the timeshare with his youngest daughter and husband staying home to help. Everyone did facetime each day and by Friday it became clear that Saturday to come home did not come any too soon. Roy and Nancy were a God send for me as by Thursday I had little sleep so they took care of John Friday night for me. I felt so grateful to be able to care for him on his last night of life and also the days before.
There is nothing easy about death - it is the curse of sin and certainly a rough journey as breath slowly leaves the body. Today was very peaceful as he left his body. I played the recording of Chris Tomlin's song "I Will Rise" and just as John let out his last breath the song ended.
I know I will cry and cry in the days to come but I cling to God harder than ever as I know it's the only way I will make it through this journey. I have been given some amazing devotions this month about death and dying and the difficulty this is to deal with. Today it was all about being a caregiver and how caregiving can be a labor of love that is more of an honor than a burden.
I am going to close this as so many family members and friends want to stop by to see me. It is wonderful to feel God's care for me in others as they give me love. Thank you to all of you that have already brought me love and John also when he was sick. Prayers are needed still for me to walk in this sad place.
Yes I'm wearing my "Expected in Heaven" T shirt today! Keep looking up and remember: "Now there is in store for (you &) me a crown of righteousness which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to (you &) me on that day - and not only to (you &) me, but also to all who have longed for His appearing." 2 Timothy 4:8
This week begin with a hope that John's pain was under control and that maybe we could share a week once more with his kids on a yearly trip to his timeshare. We prayed earnestly the day before we were going to leave for God to open or close the door for us. Well we felt it was very clearly shut and OH how thankful we clearly heard God's answer to stay home. As the week went on John became weaker and weaker until he barely moved. A hospital bed came in on Friday and by Saturday he was hardly able to talk. This week John's family went to the timeshare with his youngest daughter and husband staying home to help. Everyone did facetime each day and by Friday it became clear that Saturday to come home did not come any too soon. Roy and Nancy were a God send for me as by Thursday I had little sleep so they took care of John Friday night for me. I felt so grateful to be able to care for him on his last night of life and also the days before.
There is nothing easy about death - it is the curse of sin and certainly a rough journey as breath slowly leaves the body. Today was very peaceful as he left his body. I played the recording of Chris Tomlin's song "I Will Rise" and just as John let out his last breath the song ended.
I know I will cry and cry in the days to come but I cling to God harder than ever as I know it's the only way I will make it through this journey. I have been given some amazing devotions this month about death and dying and the difficulty this is to deal with. Today it was all about being a caregiver and how caregiving can be a labor of love that is more of an honor than a burden.
I am going to close this as so many family members and friends want to stop by to see me. It is wonderful to feel God's care for me in others as they give me love. Thank you to all of you that have already brought me love and John also when he was sick. Prayers are needed still for me to walk in this sad place.
Yes I'm wearing my "Expected in Heaven" T shirt today! Keep looking up and remember: "Now there is in store for (you &) me a crown of righteousness which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to (you &) me on that day - and not only to (you &) me, but also to all who have longed for His appearing." 2 Timothy 4:8
Tuesday, June 7, 2016
Certainty in the Storm
Many of you have heard that John is continuing to decline which brings tears to my eyes several times a day but yet God also reminds me and John of the strength and comfort He gives us. It shows up in all sorts of ways - in our devotions, our kids coming to help or just bring us love and concern, our new neighborhood that never stops saying "ask anything we will be there", the many cards that continue to come, pastors who check in on us and finally and most importantly all who constantly pray for us!
I, Vera, could not find time to write on Sunday as the week was busy as John grows weaker. He can no longer stand and needs teamwork to move him from our bedroom to the family room for scenery change (we do have a wheelchair). Last week I noticed we were sleeping quite well but since then sleep is harder as John wakes and can't help himself. I feel like a new mom having to get up for feedings (although we don't eat we may get a drink of water or help to go to the bathroom (in his bed). Once you get that awake it is a bit of a struggle to get back to sleep for me. I know I should take more naps but naps are not my favorite thing! We have been able to manage John's pain a lot better for which we are very thankful! Although this is a difficult time and takes plenty of patience and perseverance I don't want it to pass quickly. I know I need to savor it and love on my husband so later there are no regrets. This time can surprise us how swiftly it can be gone! I'm not angry at God for making me go through it again so soon because I went into a second marriage knowing anything is possible. John and I are not exactly young and besides there is no certainty no matter what your age. Instead I am extremely thankful for all John has meant to me and how he gave me amazing comfort in my loss of Tom, his brother.
I read a devotion the other day that really helped me (God does this as I turn to Him daily). The truth is when trouble comes we naturally draw closer to God because it is the only thing that gives real peace. One day for instance I picked up one of my devotional readings and one was entitled "Shelter from the Storm". This woman used Psalm 46 and applied it to how it feels to be overwhelmed with loss in your life. (Right now I have lost a very healthy energetic husband who took long walks with me and loved staying up late so we could sit and have time to talk and share on our couch besides numerous other fun things couples enjoy doing together! (Instead now he can hardly move or stay awake very long to talk.) She recounted a story of loss of a loved one -"It felt like the earth was giving way" or their "world came crashing down". She then compared it to the psalmist saying the mountains are being swallowed up in the sea. Indeed loss in life can be compared to feeling as thought the very landscape of our lives has changed and the earth under us is not firm, as though everything we assumed would be as unchanging as a mountain range has suddenly come undone.
The ending thoughts were the best - "We may search for answers and it may take us years or decades to process all that we have been through, but at every moment there persists the invitation to be still, and to know God as a bedrock that shall not be moved!"
This is our prayer that we lean heavily on God and not our own strength which can leave us feeling like our stable mountains have just been thrown into the sea never to rise again! Not true as God through His Son Jesus gives us life eternal! John and I expect that!! We will one day soar as eagles, run and not be weary, walk and not faint!
I, Vera, could not find time to write on Sunday as the week was busy as John grows weaker. He can no longer stand and needs teamwork to move him from our bedroom to the family room for scenery change (we do have a wheelchair). Last week I noticed we were sleeping quite well but since then sleep is harder as John wakes and can't help himself. I feel like a new mom having to get up for feedings (although we don't eat we may get a drink of water or help to go to the bathroom (in his bed). Once you get that awake it is a bit of a struggle to get back to sleep for me. I know I should take more naps but naps are not my favorite thing! We have been able to manage John's pain a lot better for which we are very thankful! Although this is a difficult time and takes plenty of patience and perseverance I don't want it to pass quickly. I know I need to savor it and love on my husband so later there are no regrets. This time can surprise us how swiftly it can be gone! I'm not angry at God for making me go through it again so soon because I went into a second marriage knowing anything is possible. John and I are not exactly young and besides there is no certainty no matter what your age. Instead I am extremely thankful for all John has meant to me and how he gave me amazing comfort in my loss of Tom, his brother.
I read a devotion the other day that really helped me (God does this as I turn to Him daily). The truth is when trouble comes we naturally draw closer to God because it is the only thing that gives real peace. One day for instance I picked up one of my devotional readings and one was entitled "Shelter from the Storm". This woman used Psalm 46 and applied it to how it feels to be overwhelmed with loss in your life. (Right now I have lost a very healthy energetic husband who took long walks with me and loved staying up late so we could sit and have time to talk and share on our couch besides numerous other fun things couples enjoy doing together! (Instead now he can hardly move or stay awake very long to talk.) She recounted a story of loss of a loved one -"It felt like the earth was giving way" or their "world came crashing down". She then compared it to the psalmist saying the mountains are being swallowed up in the sea. Indeed loss in life can be compared to feeling as thought the very landscape of our lives has changed and the earth under us is not firm, as though everything we assumed would be as unchanging as a mountain range has suddenly come undone.
The ending thoughts were the best - "We may search for answers and it may take us years or decades to process all that we have been through, but at every moment there persists the invitation to be still, and to know God as a bedrock that shall not be moved!"
This is our prayer that we lean heavily on God and not our own strength which can leave us feeling like our stable mountains have just been thrown into the sea never to rise again! Not true as God through His Son Jesus gives us life eternal! John and I expect that!! We will one day soar as eagles, run and not be weary, walk and not faint!
Sunday, May 29, 2016
Blessings and Trials
Here it is Sunday evening and we are thinking back on our week of blessings and trials! It has been a good week in so many ways. We are thankful that John has a great appetite and his food sets well if he doesn't forget to chew his food properly! (A lesson all of us need to learn) John and I both sleep soundly and if we do wake up we go back to sleep quickly - we are very thankful for good rest! John has been on some rather strong medication and his stomach can handle it and he has a clear head. Together we praise God for these things! We are thankful for all the family and friends who love us and call on us and pray for us on a continual basis. Your prayers are felt and we know they have given calmness and strength as well as protection. Thank you to all you dear people praying!!
This week Saturday, May 28 was John's birthday and we were blessed beyond words with a houseful of kids and grandkids and great grandkids stopping by to wish John a happy 78th birthday. John felt so strong all afternoon enjoying our open house time with them. That night we sat down to a light dinner after everyone left, outside on our patio. After we were finished I took some dishes in the kitchen while John tried to pick up a couple items for me (he was walking with his cane and wants to help me so badly). He slipped and fell on the concrete on his bottom (scared the living daylights out of me!) but God was so good and nothing was broken except some crackers he was trying to carry! We needed a neighbor to help lift him up as John was very shook up himself. We are very thankful to have close neighbors!!
John is still working on pain control (not so much from the fall but has had pain all week - fall didn't help though) but also weakness in his legs. They no longer hold him up so well. He said the hardest thing for him (and he wanted me to share this with you) is to realize this is something so different - to have a mindset that you probably won't get better in fact most likely you will get worse. All your life you get sick and always wait for the day when you feel better, right? Well this is very new and strange - to let go of life as it once was and put yourself completely in the hands of God. He says it is not such a bad feeling it is just so different then we are used to.
John is doing such an amazing job of living this way. He gives me courage each day as I see him handle all the things he has to.
Together we read something Oswald Chambers wrote that we thought expressed well how we feel about this season of life experience of really letting go and relying on God completely.
"In that day you will ask Me nothing." John 16:23 Oswald writes:
"When is 'that day'? It is when the ascended Lord makes you one with the Father. 'In that day' you will be one with the Father just as Jesus is, and He said, 'In that day you will ask Me nothing.' Until the resurrection life of Jesus is fully exhibited in you, you have questions about many things. Then after a while you find that all your questions are gone -- you don't seem to have any left to ask. You have come to the point of total reliance on the resurrection life of Jesus, which brings you into complete oneness with the purpose of God.......
In that day you will ask Me nothing -- you will not need to ask because you will be certain that God will reveal things in accordance with His will."
John and I feel we are waiting on the Lord with what He will give us each day. We have joy and peace as well as moments of tears and sorrow together, but we are learning better each day to know and believe that God has us in His Hands and His purpose will be accomplished!
This week Saturday, May 28 was John's birthday and we were blessed beyond words with a houseful of kids and grandkids and great grandkids stopping by to wish John a happy 78th birthday. John felt so strong all afternoon enjoying our open house time with them. That night we sat down to a light dinner after everyone left, outside on our patio. After we were finished I took some dishes in the kitchen while John tried to pick up a couple items for me (he was walking with his cane and wants to help me so badly). He slipped and fell on the concrete on his bottom (scared the living daylights out of me!) but God was so good and nothing was broken except some crackers he was trying to carry! We needed a neighbor to help lift him up as John was very shook up himself. We are very thankful to have close neighbors!!
John is still working on pain control (not so much from the fall but has had pain all week - fall didn't help though) but also weakness in his legs. They no longer hold him up so well. He said the hardest thing for him (and he wanted me to share this with you) is to realize this is something so different - to have a mindset that you probably won't get better in fact most likely you will get worse. All your life you get sick and always wait for the day when you feel better, right? Well this is very new and strange - to let go of life as it once was and put yourself completely in the hands of God. He says it is not such a bad feeling it is just so different then we are used to.
John is doing such an amazing job of living this way. He gives me courage each day as I see him handle all the things he has to.
Together we read something Oswald Chambers wrote that we thought expressed well how we feel about this season of life experience of really letting go and relying on God completely.
"In that day you will ask Me nothing." John 16:23 Oswald writes:
"When is 'that day'? It is when the ascended Lord makes you one with the Father. 'In that day' you will be one with the Father just as Jesus is, and He said, 'In that day you will ask Me nothing.' Until the resurrection life of Jesus is fully exhibited in you, you have questions about many things. Then after a while you find that all your questions are gone -- you don't seem to have any left to ask. You have come to the point of total reliance on the resurrection life of Jesus, which brings you into complete oneness with the purpose of God.......
In that day you will ask Me nothing -- you will not need to ask because you will be certain that God will reveal things in accordance with His will."
John and I feel we are waiting on the Lord with what He will give us each day. We have joy and peace as well as moments of tears and sorrow together, but we are learning better each day to know and believe that God has us in His Hands and His purpose will be accomplished!
Sunday, May 22, 2016
Instant Healing
Here we are another week gone by! It seems like a good week as I ponder all the things we were able to do. Last Sunday afternoon John and I drove up to the hills near here and to the gateway of the Sequoias. It offered us a beautiful view of Lake Kaweah as well as rivers flowing fast from the mountain snow melt. On the way down the mountain we stopped at a favorite ice cream shop and ate Three Rivers home made ice cream!
Many of you might not know what all John has wrong with him. Well as far as we know this is the list - his heart has been repaired with one stint but several other arteries seem to be clogged or partially clogged, he has esophageal cancer in his esophagus close to his stomach and lesions on his spine and hip which he was told was also cancer and which may come from another source. These things are too difficult to treat as there are too many and one would harm the other if treated. Some of you have asked me if we were given expectancy of length of life. This question doesn't bother me or John at all, but to tell you all the truth we figure it is a mute subject as we did not complete testing that might give us more definite answers. We decided to let God decide and take comfort in showing us by John's strength or lack of it when that day would be. So as many of you know we have chosen the way of comfort. We are signed up with hospice and enjoying the days God gives us at home.
John's biggest need for prayer is to keep his pain under control. There is considerable back and hip pain. He is such a trooper - he rarely complains - he is always trying to make my life easier by doing as much as he can for himself. He can't really bend down to pick things up he drops or put on his socks and shoes or step into his pants but I often catch him trying to do these things! I love him for trying but continue to try to be Johnny on the spot so I can help as needed. I love helping him during this time and I am so thankful we have these precious days to share together.
One day this week we got really brave and I took him to the Bible book store for his birthday gift and shopped for a granddaughter's graduation gift. We stopped by Costco after that (yes big feat) to pick up a few items. The cart makes a good walker (he does have a real cain and walker). We than braved a favorite Mexican restaurant. Yes that was a bit much and the next day John felt it but we were so glad we tried.
On Saturday we did another major envelope push - I had my granddaughter's graduation to attend while his daughter "Pop sat" him. They ended up going through some needed bookwork together. When I arrived home I prepared dinner for his son and family for an evening birthday dinner (for his son) at our house. We had a wonderful time sharing dinner and lots of reminiscing with old pictures. John looked so good all day but today he felt that too. We both decided it was worth it and we even made it to church this morning! God is good! Our pastor had a great sermon on Acts 3:1-10. We loved how he pointed out how being lame pointed to sin and when the lame man was made well it was the same as being freed of sin! The lame man for the first time could enter the temple court as his sin was washed away in his healing! No wonder he jumped up and down praising God! He realized by his healing he was redeemed by Jesus! He no longer had to be ashamed but could be accepted in the arms of God being made holy through Jesus. We also enjoyed the thought that the power that healed the man was only Jesus but we are the hand that helps lift up the person in need of Christ! It encouraged John and I to continue to share Jesus as this is what the church should be in the business of doing.
I, Vera, read this today from Oswald Chambers book "My Utmost for His Highest". I don't always love reading this devotional because he is so tough on what the spiritual life should look like. He leaves out no punches! When I walk through hard places (like now) I find it interesting that I enjoy his thoughts more deeply than when everything is going my way!
Here is a thought from today, "God is not concerned about our plans; He doesn't ask, "Do you want to go through this loss of a loved one, this difficulty, or this defeat?" No, He allows these things for His own purpose. The things we are going through are either making us sweeter, better, and nobler men and women, or they are making us more critical and fault-finding, and more insistent on our own way."
May God make John and I willing to have oneness with the Father in our suffering and uncertain days and trust Him to make us His servants as long as He leaves us here to minister until we enter His heavenly home! All who love Jesus and what He has done for us by dying on the cross and rising again are Expected in Heaven!! If you accept Him today - confess your sin and inadequacy and believe in Jesus you will be instantly saved just as the lame man instantly walked!! Instant healing!!
Many of you might not know what all John has wrong with him. Well as far as we know this is the list - his heart has been repaired with one stint but several other arteries seem to be clogged or partially clogged, he has esophageal cancer in his esophagus close to his stomach and lesions on his spine and hip which he was told was also cancer and which may come from another source. These things are too difficult to treat as there are too many and one would harm the other if treated. Some of you have asked me if we were given expectancy of length of life. This question doesn't bother me or John at all, but to tell you all the truth we figure it is a mute subject as we did not complete testing that might give us more definite answers. We decided to let God decide and take comfort in showing us by John's strength or lack of it when that day would be. So as many of you know we have chosen the way of comfort. We are signed up with hospice and enjoying the days God gives us at home.
John's biggest need for prayer is to keep his pain under control. There is considerable back and hip pain. He is such a trooper - he rarely complains - he is always trying to make my life easier by doing as much as he can for himself. He can't really bend down to pick things up he drops or put on his socks and shoes or step into his pants but I often catch him trying to do these things! I love him for trying but continue to try to be Johnny on the spot so I can help as needed. I love helping him during this time and I am so thankful we have these precious days to share together.
One day this week we got really brave and I took him to the Bible book store for his birthday gift and shopped for a granddaughter's graduation gift. We stopped by Costco after that (yes big feat) to pick up a few items. The cart makes a good walker (he does have a real cain and walker). We than braved a favorite Mexican restaurant. Yes that was a bit much and the next day John felt it but we were so glad we tried.
On Saturday we did another major envelope push - I had my granddaughter's graduation to attend while his daughter "Pop sat" him. They ended up going through some needed bookwork together. When I arrived home I prepared dinner for his son and family for an evening birthday dinner (for his son) at our house. We had a wonderful time sharing dinner and lots of reminiscing with old pictures. John looked so good all day but today he felt that too. We both decided it was worth it and we even made it to church this morning! God is good! Our pastor had a great sermon on Acts 3:1-10. We loved how he pointed out how being lame pointed to sin and when the lame man was made well it was the same as being freed of sin! The lame man for the first time could enter the temple court as his sin was washed away in his healing! No wonder he jumped up and down praising God! He realized by his healing he was redeemed by Jesus! He no longer had to be ashamed but could be accepted in the arms of God being made holy through Jesus. We also enjoyed the thought that the power that healed the man was only Jesus but we are the hand that helps lift up the person in need of Christ! It encouraged John and I to continue to share Jesus as this is what the church should be in the business of doing.
I, Vera, read this today from Oswald Chambers book "My Utmost for His Highest". I don't always love reading this devotional because he is so tough on what the spiritual life should look like. He leaves out no punches! When I walk through hard places (like now) I find it interesting that I enjoy his thoughts more deeply than when everything is going my way!
Here is a thought from today, "God is not concerned about our plans; He doesn't ask, "Do you want to go through this loss of a loved one, this difficulty, or this defeat?" No, He allows these things for His own purpose. The things we are going through are either making us sweeter, better, and nobler men and women, or they are making us more critical and fault-finding, and more insistent on our own way."
May God make John and I willing to have oneness with the Father in our suffering and uncertain days and trust Him to make us His servants as long as He leaves us here to minister until we enter His heavenly home! All who love Jesus and what He has done for us by dying on the cross and rising again are Expected in Heaven!! If you accept Him today - confess your sin and inadequacy and believe in Jesus you will be instantly saved just as the lame man instantly walked!! Instant healing!!
Sunday, May 15, 2016
Expected Once Again
Can it be true? So soon Lord? It is not quite 4 years of losing our first spouses and 2 1/2 years of marriage.............
For those of you who are reading and don't know what I'm talking about this is what happened. May 2, Monday, I, Vera, was scheduled for gall bladder surgery. The day before John said he felt his back pop and he could tell it felt pretty bad. We went to church in the morning but he was in a lot of pain so we left soon and did not stay to mingle with friends and family. I told him I could get someone else to take me to my in and out surgery the next day as I didn't like the pain he was in, but he wouldn't hear of it. We treated his back with some heat and rest and the next morning off to surgery I went with John taking me. I was checked in quickly and whisked away to the operating table while John decided he was starting to hurt in his arms and jaw as well as still having a very sore back. After thinking he could go home a minute for some pain meds he did not get far and thought no this is bad so he called a nurse who had been with me.
After telling the nurse he thought he needed ER it was discovered John was having a heart attack while I had surgery! God did spare his life, but the doctors were ready to perform open heart that very day, but John said no! "My wife needs to recover a bit and we need to talk", was his reasoning. They kept John in the hospital till Wednesday while all our children came like fast running cheetahs and helped me get home and back to see my husband after a bit of recovery, as well as keeping him company as needed. (I wouldn't recommend this)
After a battery of testing and trying to prepare John for the idea of open heart surgery he was sent home to prepare physically and mentally. Friday morning May 6 was going along great at home when suddenly John had another attack. We know now we almost lost him but what we did not know was this attack came from internal bleeding. Later on Sunday and Monday cancer on the esophagus was discovered and as more tests were taken, lesions was found on the spine and hip which also seemed to be cancer. John no longer was a candidate for open heart surgery and because of his weak heart and chemo could not be an option either.
How is John doing after doctors recommended looking at the fact that his life was good and maybe he should consider going home and enjoying the life left under possible hospice care? His thought was relief. That is the very word he used since he no longer had to worry about choice in the matter. He feels God has brought him to this place and he is glad he doesn't have a choice but gets to rest in the days God has left for him.
How am I, Vera, doing? Well, yes we are both very sad, but I know it is a God thing that I recovered as quickly as I did with all the emotional stress added as well as physically not being able to rest the way one would do after surgery. One thing I am sure of, as I look to God everyday He sends the comfort and courage I need to face whatever He gives me. Another very big comfort to me is that my husband John is so sure of his faith in God that he has no fear of dying and no anger at God's timing even though we both would have loved to have more time.
Every day we look to our Savior and see in His Word or some devotionals the comfort needed that is just right for that day. We are sure we are all Expected In Heaven very soon.
Favorite verse of John and Vera: I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this? John 11:25
For those of you who are reading and don't know what I'm talking about this is what happened. May 2, Monday, I, Vera, was scheduled for gall bladder surgery. The day before John said he felt his back pop and he could tell it felt pretty bad. We went to church in the morning but he was in a lot of pain so we left soon and did not stay to mingle with friends and family. I told him I could get someone else to take me to my in and out surgery the next day as I didn't like the pain he was in, but he wouldn't hear of it. We treated his back with some heat and rest and the next morning off to surgery I went with John taking me. I was checked in quickly and whisked away to the operating table while John decided he was starting to hurt in his arms and jaw as well as still having a very sore back. After thinking he could go home a minute for some pain meds he did not get far and thought no this is bad so he called a nurse who had been with me.
After telling the nurse he thought he needed ER it was discovered John was having a heart attack while I had surgery! God did spare his life, but the doctors were ready to perform open heart that very day, but John said no! "My wife needs to recover a bit and we need to talk", was his reasoning. They kept John in the hospital till Wednesday while all our children came like fast running cheetahs and helped me get home and back to see my husband after a bit of recovery, as well as keeping him company as needed. (I wouldn't recommend this)
After a battery of testing and trying to prepare John for the idea of open heart surgery he was sent home to prepare physically and mentally. Friday morning May 6 was going along great at home when suddenly John had another attack. We know now we almost lost him but what we did not know was this attack came from internal bleeding. Later on Sunday and Monday cancer on the esophagus was discovered and as more tests were taken, lesions was found on the spine and hip which also seemed to be cancer. John no longer was a candidate for open heart surgery and because of his weak heart and chemo could not be an option either.
How is John doing after doctors recommended looking at the fact that his life was good and maybe he should consider going home and enjoying the life left under possible hospice care? His thought was relief. That is the very word he used since he no longer had to worry about choice in the matter. He feels God has brought him to this place and he is glad he doesn't have a choice but gets to rest in the days God has left for him.
How am I, Vera, doing? Well, yes we are both very sad, but I know it is a God thing that I recovered as quickly as I did with all the emotional stress added as well as physically not being able to rest the way one would do after surgery. One thing I am sure of, as I look to God everyday He sends the comfort and courage I need to face whatever He gives me. Another very big comfort to me is that my husband John is so sure of his faith in God that he has no fear of dying and no anger at God's timing even though we both would have loved to have more time.
Every day we look to our Savior and see in His Word or some devotionals the comfort needed that is just right for that day. We are sure we are all Expected In Heaven very soon.
Favorite verse of John and Vera: I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this? John 11:25
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