Yesterday after arriving home from a very wonderful time with my sister's family I had a meltdown. I knew I was due for one since I hardly needed to cry on my trip. I did realize it was due mostly to the fact that I came home to an empty house and it accentuates the fact that your sweet husband is no longer there. No one to help bring in the luggage, no one to talk to about the pleasure of the trip and no one to discuss the plans for the coming week. John always said when we came home from any trip that the first night home we had to eat out. He did not want me to trouble myself with cooking. I always loved that idea so I knew I needed to carry on his tradition and honor him by eating out! Thankfully my sweet Cristina went with me and spent the night as well. This really helped lighten the sadness of the first night home.
This morning as I was doing devotions I also read my booklet on "Experiencing Grief" and read about how the first year after a loved one is gone is full of "first's". I knew this to be true and what I realized was that this was the first trip I took since John's death. It was not surprising it was rough to come home.
At the same time I don't want to sound like I don't have some amazingly good things going on often. This trip I took was so very good for me and was filled with a ton of joy. First my granddaughter who was going to go with me got sick so a neighbor of mine stepped in to come along so I wouldn't have to drive to Oregon from California by myself! My new neighborhood is wonderful and full of great ladies! We had a great time together as girls do, never running out of words. It makes road trips fly by. The travel went so smoothly and my neighbor and I had a great time with my sister, her husband, kids, grandkids and great grandkids for 3 full days. My favorite day was a wonderful hike and then a white water river rafting trip. A lot of white water and I didn't fall out!! It is always good to be with family that you don't always get to see to catch up on their lives. The time flew by and I didn't feel much of my sadness as I never had time to feel lonely! It was very good for my soul and very refreshing.
Now that I'm home again I have plenty to do so it's not like I feel the grief all the time but I know it is good to let it come out from time to time as otherwise it can take you down when you least expect. Tears are refreshing even if annoying.......
I wait and long for the day...
"He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." Revelation 21:4
Sunday, July 31, 2016
Sunday, July 10, 2016
Truth and Myth
Another two weeks have passed and I am happy to say they went by rather quickly. These past weeks have involved the fourth of July holiday and visits from friends and overnight stays of grandchildren and my foster daughter, Tricia. It is wonderful to have company and not have to handle life all alone when burdened already with such great loss. Grief is always with me but there is much time when I laugh and enjoy life that God has given for the day.
Grief struck again this morning at a very inconvenient time - as I entered the church foyer. Wow I thought, "Where in the world is this coming from!" I honestly can say I have no idea except I just knew the tears had to flow and there was no stopping them. I'm sorry if I made any of my dear church family uncomfortable but I wasn't going home as I love going to church and my friend Cristina was with me so there was no way I was leaving! It all went well though - hugs were given me by family and friends which actually made me cry more (it's okay though gets rid of a few more tears). After church Cristina and I had some brunch (my favorite Sunday thing to cook) and had a nice time to visit. Tricia and I had a great week as well visiting and catching up and sharing what's happening in our lives. It is hard but important to live with the truth of my situation - which is grief for a time. Again I cannot thank everyone who prays for me and others in tough situations - it is so needed!
Here are some things that encouraged me this week:
I thought of my two husbands God so lovingly gave to me - one for 48 years (Tom) and the other for 2 1/2 years (John). I loved telling John he helped me reach 50 years of marriage! Anyway this week in my sadness one day I thought to myself what would my godly husbands say to me if they were able right now? These are the verses that popped into my head!
Hebrews 12:1-3 "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses (all the believers who have gone before us to heaven - which includes Tom and John) let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."
I felt those heavenly cheers many times this week and it gave me strength to carry on with this earthly race we are on!
This week I also have been reading through a grief booklet from Stephen Ministries byKenneth C. Haugk called "A Time to Grieve" book one. There are four booklets. I highly recommend them to read on your own or with others if you are going through grief. One thing that stood out to me this week are some of the myths of grief - let me share some:
Myth: People with strong faith don't grieve.
Myth: A strong person should be able to get through a loss without showing emotion.
Myth: You should be pretty much back to normal after two or three months.
Myth: If you express intense feelings, you're losing control of yourself.
Myth: Crying is a sign of weakness.
Myth: Grief gets easier as you grow older.
Myth: Christians shouldn't grieve if they know their loved one is in heaven. They should only feel joy.
Myth: Continuing to talk about the person who died only makes the pain last longer.
Myth: After a loved one has died, you can never be happy again.
There are a few more and maybe you have some of your own. Grief is hard enough without having to face these myths so please do yourself a favor - believe the truth - God is there for you no matter how you feel even when you are angry at Him. Take all your grief to Him and He will be your comfort and strength in due time. Most importantly take time to cry and grieve when it is needed.
In the end we are all expected and wanted in Heaven by Jesus we just need to believe the truth - 2 Peter 3:9
Grief struck again this morning at a very inconvenient time - as I entered the church foyer. Wow I thought, "Where in the world is this coming from!" I honestly can say I have no idea except I just knew the tears had to flow and there was no stopping them. I'm sorry if I made any of my dear church family uncomfortable but I wasn't going home as I love going to church and my friend Cristina was with me so there was no way I was leaving! It all went well though - hugs were given me by family and friends which actually made me cry more (it's okay though gets rid of a few more tears). After church Cristina and I had some brunch (my favorite Sunday thing to cook) and had a nice time to visit. Tricia and I had a great week as well visiting and catching up and sharing what's happening in our lives. It is hard but important to live with the truth of my situation - which is grief for a time. Again I cannot thank everyone who prays for me and others in tough situations - it is so needed!
Here are some things that encouraged me this week:
I thought of my two husbands God so lovingly gave to me - one for 48 years (Tom) and the other for 2 1/2 years (John). I loved telling John he helped me reach 50 years of marriage! Anyway this week in my sadness one day I thought to myself what would my godly husbands say to me if they were able right now? These are the verses that popped into my head!
Hebrews 12:1-3 "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses (all the believers who have gone before us to heaven - which includes Tom and John) let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."
I felt those heavenly cheers many times this week and it gave me strength to carry on with this earthly race we are on!
This week I also have been reading through a grief booklet from Stephen Ministries byKenneth C. Haugk called "A Time to Grieve" book one. There are four booklets. I highly recommend them to read on your own or with others if you are going through grief. One thing that stood out to me this week are some of the myths of grief - let me share some:
Myth: People with strong faith don't grieve.
Myth: A strong person should be able to get through a loss without showing emotion.
Myth: You should be pretty much back to normal after two or three months.
Myth: If you express intense feelings, you're losing control of yourself.
Myth: Crying is a sign of weakness.
Myth: Grief gets easier as you grow older.
Myth: Christians shouldn't grieve if they know their loved one is in heaven. They should only feel joy.
Myth: Continuing to talk about the person who died only makes the pain last longer.
Myth: After a loved one has died, you can never be happy again.
There are a few more and maybe you have some of your own. Grief is hard enough without having to face these myths so please do yourself a favor - believe the truth - God is there for you no matter how you feel even when you are angry at Him. Take all your grief to Him and He will be your comfort and strength in due time. Most importantly take time to cry and grieve when it is needed.
In the end we are all expected and wanted in Heaven by Jesus we just need to believe the truth - 2 Peter 3:9
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