Reading my last post I see we were not past the testing stage of John's cancer type. Well since then John spent 3 days in the hospital to get a good lung biopsy done so he could proceed to treatment. We did find out he has stage 4 lung and bone cancer. When it is in the bone it automatically becomes stage 4. It is not small cell lung cancer either, which we were hoping for. This seems like rather depressing news but at the same time there are some great new treatments out there that give a lot of hope. He has had one treatment of two powerful chemotherapy products and one immunotherapy. We are pleased with his follow up testing results and have heard that this treatment can put his cancer into remission and in some cases cure it, even the bone part of it!
There are always side effects when taking a bunch of medicines, chemo, etc. into our bodies. John has had his share of pain from the bone cancer and therefore takes powerful pain meds. They help, yet again, lots of side effects. John hangs in there with great strength. We both have had our moments of frustration. I confess mine can consist mostly of self-pity which I don't like at all. It caused a melt-down one day I'm rather ashamed of and so now I'm trying to rest more on God instead of my own weak strength. Thank you all so very much for prayer. I believe in the power of prayer more then anything! Medicine is a wonderful answer to our prayers, but the creator is the one who has made our bodies. He is the one who has to direct our doctors and nurses to bring about the perfect outcome.
Since John's first treatment we attended a huge family gathering (my family and John's) for Thanksgiving and enjoyed having his girls with their families in town. They came from Sacramento and Atlanta, Georgia. The day was the worst day for John as far as strength went, but he was so glad to be able to be a part of the day. A cosy couch in the middle of everything helped!
We look forward to Christmas which we are now trying to prepare for. We do as much each day as is possible and not worry about the rest. The main thing we try to do is enjoy what God gives for the day and praise Him for the ability to do what we can to have a normal life in the midst of deciding what food tastes the best as well as good for you, handling pain, medicine, treatments, doctor visits, CT and MIR scans, and blood tests!
There is always suffering in life. One problem gets better and another can soon follow. Not to sound pessimistic, it is just a fact. If we don't have hope in God there is very little that can bring real peace or happiness. So whoever reads this I would encourage you to put your hope in God so that suffering can be handled. John and I are reading a great devotional booklet this month that happens to be on suffering. The other day the key verse was:
Isaiah 55:8 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord.
Also a thought was shared from George MacDonald: "Trust God to weave your little thread into the great web, though the pattern shows it not yet."
I like both these thoughts and most of all knowing with certainty this Christmas season Christ was born so we could saved from sin and be Expected in Heaven one day!
Friday, November 30, 2018
Tuesday, November 6, 2018
Refining Fire
There is a praise song that has the words:
"Purify my heart
Let me be as gold and precious silver
Refiner's fire
My heart's one desire
Is to be holy
Set apart for You, Lord"
by - Brian Doerksen, 2008
This song was a favorite of mine but I never really knew the full meaning of the words. God has been teaching me in the last 7 years in ways I would not have imagined.
Many of you are wondering how John and I are doing after just 7 short months of marriage and finding out John has lung and bone cancer. Well very, very sad first of all and totally incapable of walking this journey alone without God holding us up. Thank you so very much to the many who have said you are praying for us! We need it!! God has answered in the way that each day He gives us hope and holds our hands and helps us move forward.
John has taken all the needed tests, but the bone marrow test taken in the doctor's office wasn't good enough, so they want another one to give the final prognosis for treatment. So now we wait once again for the hospital to schedule him with the radiology department. We were told this could take another week to week and half. Yes, this woman is continuing to try to speed this process any way I can. All his other tests have been sent to the hospital so please pray that they will do the test this week! It's my understanding that once the test is taken they still have to wait a day or so for it to process in the lab.
We are very hopeful that there is treatment for his cancer that can make it go into remission or give him some more days with me. There is always hope as well for a miracle! We never doubt what God can do. We also have said not my will but Yours be done.
"These have come so that your faith - of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire - may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed." I Peter 1:7
"Purify my heart
Let me be as gold and precious silver
Refiner's fire
My heart's one desire
Is to be holy
Set apart for You, Lord"
by - Brian Doerksen, 2008
This song was a favorite of mine but I never really knew the full meaning of the words. God has been teaching me in the last 7 years in ways I would not have imagined.
Many of you are wondering how John and I are doing after just 7 short months of marriage and finding out John has lung and bone cancer. Well very, very sad first of all and totally incapable of walking this journey alone without God holding us up. Thank you so very much to the many who have said you are praying for us! We need it!! God has answered in the way that each day He gives us hope and holds our hands and helps us move forward.
John has taken all the needed tests, but the bone marrow test taken in the doctor's office wasn't good enough, so they want another one to give the final prognosis for treatment. So now we wait once again for the hospital to schedule him with the radiology department. We were told this could take another week to week and half. Yes, this woman is continuing to try to speed this process any way I can. All his other tests have been sent to the hospital so please pray that they will do the test this week! It's my understanding that once the test is taken they still have to wait a day or so for it to process in the lab.
We are very hopeful that there is treatment for his cancer that can make it go into remission or give him some more days with me. There is always hope as well for a miracle! We never doubt what God can do. We also have said not my will but Yours be done.
"These have come so that your faith - of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire - may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed." I Peter 1:7
Friday, January 26, 2018
Surprises and Learning to Live
How tough is it for a widow or widower to live life with trust that everything is going to be okay no matter what comes their way? Maybe the phrase "living until we die" is an appropriate statement to make once you become a widow after a long and happy marriage. Life is always uncertain and nothing is guaranteed so how to live is always the question for everyone, really.
I read a devotion by a woman, Karen Bables, who has cancer and knows it will end in her death eventually. I loved her thoughts on how to choose to die before we die which to her meant letting go. We learn to give up control - first of situations and events, then of people, then of our own life, and finally of our death. Recognizing that we have no control over death is the hardest to accept. We don't need to be frightened of death. The more we deny it, the less value our life has. When we continually die to death, we also live until we die. I personally really like that last thought.
So that brings me to the fact and maybe reason I was willing to be open to the idea of a third marriage after losing my second husband a year and a half ago to cancer. The thought is rather frightening at times to think I could have to face the death of a husband again as there is no promise that says I will die first! In the end I realized I wanted to choose to live till I die and live in confidence that God has my life in His hands and all those I love. He knows what I need and when I need it so I have to trust that the right things will happen at the right times.
With that all said I've been given another sweet man (a widower as well) to date over the past few months and we have set a wedding date for April 7, 2018 Lord willing! We have known each other over 20 years in this community and happened to attend the same school when we were young although we didn't exactly know each other then. Smile. It's another story. His name is John DeLeeuw and was our Christian school superintendent for over 20 years and recently retired. There you have it the surprising news of my life! A new adventure and season to see what God will do in both of our lives.
I hope God gives all of you, who take time to read this blog, the confidence to live life to the full with Jesus as your example and not be tricked into thinking the Bible is a fairytale.
John 10:10 "The thief (the devil) comes to steal, and kill, and destroy, but I (Jesus) have come that you may have life, and have it to the full." Read the whole book of John in the Bible and learn the truth that can set you free to live life no matter what trial or joy you face! Then you will know you are "Expected in Heaven" when death takes you from this life!
I read a devotion by a woman, Karen Bables, who has cancer and knows it will end in her death eventually. I loved her thoughts on how to choose to die before we die which to her meant letting go. We learn to give up control - first of situations and events, then of people, then of our own life, and finally of our death. Recognizing that we have no control over death is the hardest to accept. We don't need to be frightened of death. The more we deny it, the less value our life has. When we continually die to death, we also live until we die. I personally really like that last thought.
So that brings me to the fact and maybe reason I was willing to be open to the idea of a third marriage after losing my second husband a year and a half ago to cancer. The thought is rather frightening at times to think I could have to face the death of a husband again as there is no promise that says I will die first! In the end I realized I wanted to choose to live till I die and live in confidence that God has my life in His hands and all those I love. He knows what I need and when I need it so I have to trust that the right things will happen at the right times.
With that all said I've been given another sweet man (a widower as well) to date over the past few months and we have set a wedding date for April 7, 2018 Lord willing! We have known each other over 20 years in this community and happened to attend the same school when we were young although we didn't exactly know each other then. Smile. It's another story. His name is John DeLeeuw and was our Christian school superintendent for over 20 years and recently retired. There you have it the surprising news of my life! A new adventure and season to see what God will do in both of our lives.
I hope God gives all of you, who take time to read this blog, the confidence to live life to the full with Jesus as your example and not be tricked into thinking the Bible is a fairytale.
John 10:10 "The thief (the devil) comes to steal, and kill, and destroy, but I (Jesus) have come that you may have life, and have it to the full." Read the whole book of John in the Bible and learn the truth that can set you free to live life no matter what trial or joy you face! Then you will know you are "Expected in Heaven" when death takes you from this life!
Sunday, September 24, 2017
Another Year - What good are Birthdays?
How do you feel about getting older? In my family we have 11 September birthdays (which includes my own) and even more in the extended family. It made me think about how do I like birthdays? Well I concluded I love them as I make it a habit (and have for years) to celebrate everyones life in some way on their birthday. To have life is so special, Jesus said, "I have come that they may have life and have it to the full!" Do you realize that our God is a very big party celebrator? He commanded his people the Israelites to plan three very important holidays that they spent at least 7 days worshipping, eating, drinking, dancing and hanging out together in tents or in each others homes or at the temple or in local synagogues. Anyway I personally think that is so very cool and fun! Some people think heaven will be boring, but that is because they don't know what kind of God we worship in the Bible. Even in this world that has all of it's problems God gives us so much life! I know I long for heaven in one respect but I also look forward to all the joy God has for me in this life until he calls me Home. Therefore I have no death wish, so don't feel guilty if you want to live awhile - that is a God given gift and we must enjoy life expecting good things, only God can give.
With all that pondering about life I realized I am expected to be content with the places God has called me to live. Getting older teaches me through many experiences (good or bad) that I need to be content and then I am so much happier! I love to worry about what could or couldn't happen and that just takes the joy out of life. This last while as I come into the 5th year of the loss of Tom and the 1st year loss of John, I know I can't foresee what will happen in my future. Sometimes I worry that to be alone the rest of my life will be so lonely and then on the other side I worry getting married again could bring so many problems!! Things always happen that I don't expect or I say I will never do! Ridiculous! It is time I be content in whatever place God thinks I should be! This is my earnest prayer, if you are praying for me that is the best thing to pray for - contentment in whatever place or situation God wants me to be in and serve Him.
Our pastor has been teaching on what it takes to be a disciple of Christ. The first week he taught us to look for Jesus in all of life and expect to see Him. When we are in tune with Him and listening and seeing we notice when water changes to wine or when there is a resurrection (great things I don't want to miss). The second week we learned as a disciple we need to know and understand love. Love frees us from slavery of sin but we don't have to rush to grow up in the Lord as any kind of growing takes time. Finally today he taught us to love the church and realize we are all a part of the body (the church) and need one another. One person is like a hand another an ear or an eye, etc. The church family is such a blessing, we don't want to go through our Christian walk without that precious family. I know first hand how great it is to be surrounded by God's people who care and walk with you through sorrow! For me it is a bit of heaven on earth. I'm excited to be an expectant believer! How about you?
With all that pondering about life I realized I am expected to be content with the places God has called me to live. Getting older teaches me through many experiences (good or bad) that I need to be content and then I am so much happier! I love to worry about what could or couldn't happen and that just takes the joy out of life. This last while as I come into the 5th year of the loss of Tom and the 1st year loss of John, I know I can't foresee what will happen in my future. Sometimes I worry that to be alone the rest of my life will be so lonely and then on the other side I worry getting married again could bring so many problems!! Things always happen that I don't expect or I say I will never do! Ridiculous! It is time I be content in whatever place God thinks I should be! This is my earnest prayer, if you are praying for me that is the best thing to pray for - contentment in whatever place or situation God wants me to be in and serve Him.
Our pastor has been teaching on what it takes to be a disciple of Christ. The first week he taught us to look for Jesus in all of life and expect to see Him. When we are in tune with Him and listening and seeing we notice when water changes to wine or when there is a resurrection (great things I don't want to miss). The second week we learned as a disciple we need to know and understand love. Love frees us from slavery of sin but we don't have to rush to grow up in the Lord as any kind of growing takes time. Finally today he taught us to love the church and realize we are all a part of the body (the church) and need one another. One person is like a hand another an ear or an eye, etc. The church family is such a blessing, we don't want to go through our Christian walk without that precious family. I know first hand how great it is to be surrounded by God's people who care and walk with you through sorrow! For me it is a bit of heaven on earth. I'm excited to be an expectant believer! How about you?
Thursday, August 10, 2017
A Mist and How to Live
Here I sit drawing a bit of a blank - Yet I feel the need to write to friends and family who may read my blog to know how life is going for me. Well God has again been so good to me and given me a wonderful summer. Maybe in some ways too good. Now I have to face everyday life and not have hikes to climb, lakes to float on, or road trips to drive, as well as have a blast with family and friends! Coming home each night to an empty house has it's challenges, but God always reminds me He is close by to talk to and talk I do! I'm very social so quiet is okay at times, but for me having no one to express opinions to after an interesting day is a bit of a let down. This sounds very depressing and I do not come from a family who feels sorry for themselves (not for long anyway)! My mother was the most positive person I knew and many times I am so thankful for that as it helps me look for the positive in every situation. So here is some positive!
There are still many friends I get to do things with - love my neighbor lady friends who do bible study with me. We started up again after a summer break. There are several young women I get to counsel in parenting skills and another bible study class to do at Care Pregnancy Center where I am able to volunteer a few times a week. On top of all my activities and friends I have a huge family close by. My life is so very full and rich, truly. Yet I know there are other men and women out there alone and not always enjoying it, because like me they terribly miss that special spouse who now is home with the Lord.
A devotion I read the other day reminded me of something to keep in mind which says: "What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes." James 4:14 I especially liked how Joel Plantinga, who wrote the devotion said, " We are regularly reminded by God's Word that time is fleeting and the day of the Lord is approaching. Don't be paralyzed by fear! We live in a moment of incredible opportunity to share the gospel with our world. Live out of an urgency that comes from understanding that opportunity."
Yes indeed it can be easy to fear the future or complain about it to God, but God wants me to relax in the moment. Jesus died for me and rose again and ascended into heaven and has gone to prepare a place for me and all who want to believe! All we have to do is confess our sin and receive His gift and follow Him! I'm expected in the place Jesus is preparing for me and others who want Him in their life!
"This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24
Lord help me and everyone dealing with sadness to make the best use of our time today and the good things you give for your glory! Amen
There are still many friends I get to do things with - love my neighbor lady friends who do bible study with me. We started up again after a summer break. There are several young women I get to counsel in parenting skills and another bible study class to do at Care Pregnancy Center where I am able to volunteer a few times a week. On top of all my activities and friends I have a huge family close by. My life is so very full and rich, truly. Yet I know there are other men and women out there alone and not always enjoying it, because like me they terribly miss that special spouse who now is home with the Lord.
A devotion I read the other day reminded me of something to keep in mind which says: "What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes." James 4:14 I especially liked how Joel Plantinga, who wrote the devotion said, " We are regularly reminded by God's Word that time is fleeting and the day of the Lord is approaching. Don't be paralyzed by fear! We live in a moment of incredible opportunity to share the gospel with our world. Live out of an urgency that comes from understanding that opportunity."
Yes indeed it can be easy to fear the future or complain about it to God, but God wants me to relax in the moment. Jesus died for me and rose again and ascended into heaven and has gone to prepare a place for me and all who want to believe! All we have to do is confess our sin and receive His gift and follow Him! I'm expected in the place Jesus is preparing for me and others who want Him in their life!
"This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24
Lord help me and everyone dealing with sadness to make the best use of our time today and the good things you give for your glory! Amen
Thursday, June 8, 2017
A Story from Israel
What a blessing to once again travel to the places the Bible tells us about and especially the ones Jesus walked and lived. This time (it was my third trip) I was with my sister and a group of great Christian people walking the land together. John Farwell was our leader, you can find out about his trips on the sight called "walkthestory.com". He is a great teacher and we all highly recommend his trip if you are able to go.
There is so much a person could share about the trip but I realize you would get totally sick of reading so I'll share one moving thing that happened for me and something I had never thought of before. Since I have lost two great husbands in my life I know what it is like to suffer almost unbearable loss. John told us a story about a tour guide who died suddenly on his friend's tour. This man lived in Israel so John's friend had to go to the man's wife and let her know what had happened His friend explained the moment the woman saw him at her door instead of her husband she knew something bad had happened and she just fell down weeping in front of him. The woman's son happened at the same time to come into the room seeing his mother weeping on the floor. His immediate response was to tear his shirt from top to bottom and weep with his mother. They both knew by the look on John's friend's face the news was fatal. John's friend said he will never forget the sound of the man's shirt tearing and the buttons hitting the floor. It made the grief so profound in that moment. John explained this story as at the time we were having a teaching on Jesus death and all the things that happened when Jesus died. He likened it to the grief of the Father when Jesus the Son died on the cross and the curtain in the temple tore from top to bottom. Me personally had to do everything to keep from weeping out loud hard! Even now as I write this it makes me cry since I know this kind of grief so up close and personal. I loved how it made my God and Lord and Savior so up close and personal with this amazing story even though it makes me cry. My prayer for you who might read this can feel the unbelievable love of the Father in giving up His Son Jesus so we could have life eternal and one day be expected in Heaven!
I sign off with John's favorite saying on our trip "till the next time we are to meet here on earth or at the Golden Gates"!
There is so much a person could share about the trip but I realize you would get totally sick of reading so I'll share one moving thing that happened for me and something I had never thought of before. Since I have lost two great husbands in my life I know what it is like to suffer almost unbearable loss. John told us a story about a tour guide who died suddenly on his friend's tour. This man lived in Israel so John's friend had to go to the man's wife and let her know what had happened His friend explained the moment the woman saw him at her door instead of her husband she knew something bad had happened and she just fell down weeping in front of him. The woman's son happened at the same time to come into the room seeing his mother weeping on the floor. His immediate response was to tear his shirt from top to bottom and weep with his mother. They both knew by the look on John's friend's face the news was fatal. John's friend said he will never forget the sound of the man's shirt tearing and the buttons hitting the floor. It made the grief so profound in that moment. John explained this story as at the time we were having a teaching on Jesus death and all the things that happened when Jesus died. He likened it to the grief of the Father when Jesus the Son died on the cross and the curtain in the temple tore from top to bottom. Me personally had to do everything to keep from weeping out loud hard! Even now as I write this it makes me cry since I know this kind of grief so up close and personal. I loved how it made my God and Lord and Savior so up close and personal with this amazing story even though it makes me cry. My prayer for you who might read this can feel the unbelievable love of the Father in giving up His Son Jesus so we could have life eternal and one day be expected in Heaven!
I sign off with John's favorite saying on our trip "till the next time we are to meet here on earth or at the Golden Gates"!
Saturday, March 25, 2017
All About Me
Do I focus on God or do I have self pity in my grief and loss? Sometimes I get very sick of being alone and badly miss the things I loved doing with my sweet husband, but then I ask myself --- Is life all about me? This morning I read a devotion from my favorite (yet most challenging) devotion book, "My Utmost for His Highest" by Oswald Chambers. Again I was so struck with the thought that life IS often about me and what I have to handle for the day - whether it be my grief or the ministry I think God wants me to do, or what I have to do with family or friends. (None of these bad things mind you) but then I read the scripture from John 3 where John the Baptist speaks of his becoming less and Jesus becoming greater. That was John's goal in life to lead others to the Messiah. He called himself the friend of the bridegroom and has great joy as he waits and listens for him. It is all about serving the bridegroom (Jesus) because the bride (all believers) belong to the bridegroom.
Oswald warns that if we only make ourselves look great because of what Christ has done for us we fail as people will look at us and say, "Oh, what a fine person that man or woman is!" When we do this we ourselves are increasing not the bridegroom - Jesus! Oswald states the only way we can avoid this way of thinking is focus on having a moral and vital relationship to Jesus above everything else. If we are maintaining this relationship the rest of our Christian walk will flow the way it should.
Wow this is very hard to live out in daily life. It takes a constant thought process to focus away from me and look to adoring my Savior so I allow Him to have His way. It's frightening even to really let go of my life and let God have full control. I Corinthians 9:24-27 is an awesome text giving an example of this thought. This text reminds me that it takes time to do something well. You can't expect to be an athlete without strict training - we can't be God's vessel without beating our body (and mind) to be God's adoring child, relaxing in His arms so in the end we will win the prize!
Salvation is a free gift of God we don't work for it Christ has done that on the cross (Easter message) - we just simply believe, and because of this we adore and worship Him. This morning I was thinking we are still sons and daughters of Adam and Eve and we would rather eat of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil than the Tree of Life! I got to thinking did God say they couldn't eat from the Tree of Life before sin entered? I discovered the answer is NO (read Genesis 2)! The only tree they could not eat from was the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. They were banned from the Tree of Life (Genesis 3) after they fell into sin so they wouldn't live forever in this sinful state! Personally I think they didn't even bother to eat from it before they were tempted to eat of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. I feel we are still the same we want to take from good and evil and not take the LIFE God offers freely because we want CONTROL.... I confess that is often my reason when I'm honest with myself.
These are my thoughts for this time of waiting in expectation for my home in heaven (where the Tree of Life will be - Revelation 22) and the prize will be to hear: "Well done good and faithful servant".
Oswald warns that if we only make ourselves look great because of what Christ has done for us we fail as people will look at us and say, "Oh, what a fine person that man or woman is!" When we do this we ourselves are increasing not the bridegroom - Jesus! Oswald states the only way we can avoid this way of thinking is focus on having a moral and vital relationship to Jesus above everything else. If we are maintaining this relationship the rest of our Christian walk will flow the way it should.
Wow this is very hard to live out in daily life. It takes a constant thought process to focus away from me and look to adoring my Savior so I allow Him to have His way. It's frightening even to really let go of my life and let God have full control. I Corinthians 9:24-27 is an awesome text giving an example of this thought. This text reminds me that it takes time to do something well. You can't expect to be an athlete without strict training - we can't be God's vessel without beating our body (and mind) to be God's adoring child, relaxing in His arms so in the end we will win the prize!
Salvation is a free gift of God we don't work for it Christ has done that on the cross (Easter message) - we just simply believe, and because of this we adore and worship Him. This morning I was thinking we are still sons and daughters of Adam and Eve and we would rather eat of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil than the Tree of Life! I got to thinking did God say they couldn't eat from the Tree of Life before sin entered? I discovered the answer is NO (read Genesis 2)! The only tree they could not eat from was the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. They were banned from the Tree of Life (Genesis 3) after they fell into sin so they wouldn't live forever in this sinful state! Personally I think they didn't even bother to eat from it before they were tempted to eat of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. I feel we are still the same we want to take from good and evil and not take the LIFE God offers freely because we want CONTROL.... I confess that is often my reason when I'm honest with myself.
These are my thoughts for this time of waiting in expectation for my home in heaven (where the Tree of Life will be - Revelation 22) and the prize will be to hear: "Well done good and faithful servant".
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